so usually I take the top moments of the year on my new year blog but it's been a really really really rough year so I'm just going to put awards for 2007 so here goes:

punch at the darkness till it bleeds daylight

It's early in the morning and I have the worstest headache. I'm super stressed out and trying to handle everything with tact but it's not working out so easily. I've been having major anxiety over silly things which I'm trying to correct my thought processes but it seems a bit more complex then I was hoping. Happiness is in my grasp and at my finger tips even with all the crazy stuff that's going on. I sometimes wonder if I have the anxiety just because I haven't lived a "normal" life and that there's part of me that is about to do anything it takes to have that chaos back. T's going to alanon alot and it makes me think about when I used to go and how in order for me to start making a change for the better I had to let go of my insecurities of being healthy and happy. Life is hard but man oh man is it ever good too. I need to start making forward strides and I know that as hard as it is to wade through this swampy feeling that on the other side of all this is all the rainbows and sunshine I've been craving. I know that my life is never going to be perfect. And I truly don't want it to be. I want to continue growing and I know that in order for me to grow I have to endure growing pains. That's life. I'm just setting out to have more ups then downs. 2008 is gonna be a gooder I think.

sorry I haven't kept everyone in the loop. A's mommy ended up in ICU just before Christmas and things have been kinda hairy. Also I've been traveling back and forth between here and Calgary for everything going on.

I hope this finds you all safe and happy and healthy. I'll write more when I have more time. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years.

so tired that i couldn't even sleep

ok so I went to bed after posting, for really real no pretendsies, at 4am on the nose, what happens? something smashes to the floor in the living room. AGAIN! this happened the other night and the night before that. There isn't anything anywhere that could have fallen. I go into the living room and in the middle of the floor there's a pencil case I had been using in the kitchen, sitting there as if someone just dropped it there. The night before it was a toy digger that was there and the night before that a set of dishes that were in the sink were shattered into piece on my kitchen floor. Anyone wanna come figure out what's going on here. I'm getting super sleepy and tired of this stuff happening. *yawn* Seriously. I know my electrical energy is silly crazy (I short out computers, and most electronics, I can't wear a watch, I drain batteries) but this is getting to be ridiculous.

so tired that i couldn't even sleep

ok so I went to bed after posting, for really real no pretendsies, at 4am on the nose, what happens? something smashes to the floor in the living room. AGAIN! this happened the other night and the night before that. There isn't anything anywhere that could have fallen. I go into the living room and in the middle of the floor there's a pencil case I had been using in the kitchen, sitting there as if someone just dropped it there. The night before it was a toy digger that was there and the night before that a set of dishes that were in the sink were shattered into piece on my kitchen floor. Anyone wanna come figure out what's going on here. I'm getting super sleepy and tired of this stuff happening. *yawn* Seriously. I know my electrical energy is silly crazy (I short out computers, and most electronics, I can't wear a watch, I drain batteries) but this is getting to be ridiculous.

stinky sinks

Here are some more Christmas photo's Brandon got me a Chia pet just as I asked. :) Had dinner over there last night and watched the boys play guitar hero. I hate playing that game but I love beebopping about to the songs and cheering on "the band" and so I was the "groupie" who just sat on the couch and cheered and jeered and drank beer. Reminds me of Parappa the Rappa. Anyone remember that? I hated that game just like I hate Mario. *shakes ranty fist at Mario and Parappa* Anyways... Dallas told me to go to bed and I promised I would after I cleaned out my sink *it's covered in paint and I can't get it off* but I put so much bleach and paint thinner in the sink it stinks up stairs and I have a headache. YES I OPENED THE WINDOWS DUH! but now I can't sleep. In the great words of liam UGH. (well liam and the backyardigans) So till next time folks keep fit and have fun ;)

went for dinner at Brandon's it was a good time. Him and Ryan played guitar hero. I love watching them play but I hate playing that game. It just brings back the painful memories of Parapa The Rappa, 'in the rain or in the sno I got the funky flow'

watching

Been watching heaps of movies with all the time I don't have. Good ones to check out:

Black Snake Moan (no it's not porn) with Christina Ricci and Justin Timberlake and Samuel L Jackson.

Super Bad was super funny

The interview with steve buccemi

and of course lost 3 is out now!!! woo hoo

I'm so sleepy today and almost forgot to put the garbage out last night. Don't worry Sheila I was fully dressed when I ran the garbage out this week. ;) I'm all set for Christmas minus the tree. :( oh well I'll just go hang at everyone's house and use there tree as my own.

pictures and tabs

so for the rest of you I posted up the photo's from yesterday all of them at my flikr site so if you have a code for there you can see em and if you don't sorry it's full of kiddies and we don't like just anyone having a peer at em even though you're prolly a super awesome person :) there are creepers out there.

birthdays and christmas

today was really emotional but very rewarding. I had so much fun with the kiddies. Everyone loved their gifts. "oh Kareena it's the best present I ever got" from Abs. I loved it. We had the whole show there today from caped crusaders to cute little princesses to big brothers and grampas.

picture time

so here is a conglomeration of toys that I got the kids. Lego is for W, Dino for Kjorvan, Ponies for Sarika and Vanity and Polly case (well the case is more for her mom to have sanity) for Abs.
and yes I got batteries :) I went to Sobey's and paid 5 dollars for 4 then when to wall mart and paid 9 dollars for 48!!! oh well.

BATTERIES KAREENA BATTERIES

Well the new year of 2008 is coming and I'm starting to get my lists of goals I had set for 2007 out and checked off. Some I have completed like "getting as far away from J. as possible" and others have fallen to the way (sp?) side, like "eat organic as much as possible." The last one hasn't happend because I really have no where to shop in the Deer for really good fresh organic food. (I'm not talking veggies but everything else) Oh well I guess that just means I have another thing to put on the list for another year like 2009 ;)

I have all the decorations made and BW is coming over to help me set up the tree. I've been really sick from treatments but I have that super cute faerie to hang up so I have to get the tree done. I'm also getting super pumped for the kiddlets birthday party this weekend!!! It's gonna be nice to see Ab's again. I hope she likes her little vanity. DOH" I totally forgot to pick up batteries yesterday *writes on hand to remember*. Anyways I should get back to work on the wrapping of presie's. Have a safe and warm day guys.

Pour vous

I'm sure you've read this in a forward but...

I got this from a friend who wrote a really amazing email to me and I absolutely love it.

There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

You mean the world to someone.

You are special and unique.

Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.

Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

Time warp

so I've made the big switch and so far so good. Feeling kinda blah but I feel pretty darn good considering. I'm gonna go buy a water cooler tomorrow I think. I was hoping to go to Edmonton today but I ended up helping out Marla with the kiddies cuz poor Korvy was sick sick sick, which reminds me I should call R. and let him know I'll be up tomorrow instead *makes mental note* Haven't seen him in forever. I think since Mark was living in Edmonton. Wow super long time. Maybe even Halloween when I dressed as a PHD. hmmm. first pic is of me and sheldon and second R is in the back with Marky Mark being a dork.

So who would have thought I'd have halloween pictures up here on December 12th?
I'm hoping to see Bear tomorrow too and Jarrod. I miss my friends but I enjoy being here in my home too. I think I would miss seeing my mini one alot more. I got her Christmas presents this week. I'll put up some pictures after tonight cuz my camera is dead and needs batteries badly. Anyways. Just thought I'd post an update so you knew I'm still alive. It's gonna get cold out here so I may be posting more often.

faeries counsellors story tellers the keepers of secrets and protectors

after a rough morning a good friend picked me up and took me out and about down town Red Deer. We went to my favorite store to pick up something for Brandon as a treat since he drops off dinner, pepsi movies and makes me dinner all the time. Sun works has the best all time kitchen store not to mention art books and cards. I love it there. I picked up some hot sauce and some pickled tainted olives and habinaros for him. Then we walked over to the Red Deer's best kept secret!!!

The Paper Crane Galeer
5007 50 Av Red Deer T4N 4B2
(403)347-3357

they had the most beautiful faeries and Japanese zen home treats. I loved it so much I ended up buying myself something. The store owner put me at peace with my entire life while I was there. She inspired me and educated me and she even took a piece of me to share with other customers. I loved it. Best day ever! Here are some pictures of the orniment I bought. They also had princess and the pea dolls they were so cute and a little pea in the beds. So sweet.

excited happy relieved and scared.

I'm excited for the babies birthday and to watch their faces as they open presents up and stuff.
I love them so much they mean the world to me. I'm excited to watch A's face open up her little packages wrapped up so pretty. She also means the world to me. I'm excited not knowing what lies ahead for me and that anything is possible at this point.

I'm happy that I have my own home and that I have been able with the help of others get it renovated the way I want it to be. I'm happy with the purple stars in my room and the cute sad penguin on display. I'm happy I have that one friend I can call at 8am and let them know I'm sick or the other friend I can count on being part of the hardcore duo. I'm happy to be me and love the way I am in every way.

I'm relieved that I don't have to argue with anyone anymore, and relieved that I don't have to explain every single thing down to the detail. I'm relieved that I can if I want to sell my house and go on a holiday afterwards. I'm relieved that I have a plan B and C. I'm relieved I made the right choices.

I'm scared. I'm scared that this new stuff won't work, I'm scared that I won't reach my goals, I'm scared that I won't have anyone to argue with when I'm old other then a cashier at the store I always will go to. I'm scared I won't find another place I'm happy to live in. I'm scared of the dark and I'm scared of spiders. I'm scared that I missed something great or looked over a stone I was supposed to turn over. I'm scared I let "the one" get away...

But that is how I know that I'm growing in the right direction. ;)

outrageous

can you believe that they took Tokyo steak wraps off the menu at Earls? I'm so hurt. It's outrageous!!! Everyone loved them I don't understand. I know they were on the seasonal menu but still. If they are your top seller you don't just yank them off. Oh well.

I've been feeling really creative lately and it sucks that all my sewing stuff is packed up and hidden in the basement. I really need to clean out all the stuff I'm not going to keep from here and donate it. I just feel bad over loading the charity places with all of it. I know they're in over drive right now for the Christmas season especially with all the toy recalls going on. Or maybe the would love them I dunno. I can't wait to be settled in somewhere and start really creating all the stuff that's been swirling around in my brain.

Have you been mellow have you ever shoned have you ever been happy just to hear this song? yes I have and you will too if you like happy hardcore here's a lil link to wheellegs newest cosX
Andy did a great job on it and you'll have to have a listen!

Anyways I have a ton to do tonight and should stop blabbering on. I'll type out a gooder with pictures soon.

memories of a distant time or last year

Kids Christmas party went really good I think. I had a lot of fun being Mrs. Clause. I have to say that the magician that they hired really sucked. Anyone remember rosco? he kicked ass! Way better then this guy on the weekend anywho,

Yeah I had fun the kids were great, and I have to say that parents come up with lots of interesting names for their kids, makes it hard to pass santa off as believable when he can't pronounce the kids names. We had a good time and so did the kids.

It's that time of year when you contemplate all that's happened through the year and look back at what was going on last year this time, while at the same time getting geared up for the new year and celebrating Christmas with those around you. I miss Marty a lot at Christmas time. I know that the last Christmas we had together we argued the whole time and he worked for most of it and the days that he had off I worked at the video store (in my pajamas I might add)
But I know that both of us love Christmas so much and put so much effort into presents and take the time to really enjoy the snow flakes and stuff. As crazy as the two of us were I still miss him heaps. We went from talking 3 times a day to the rare communication online. He's such a dork but I still miss his messy toothpaste ways.
I really miss Brent too but not in the same way because I still get to hang out with him every so often and we keep in touch via telephone. I call at crazy inconvenient Kareena times and he returns my calls at bizarre aka normal people hours. So it's like a giant game of tag. He too worked for the most part of the Christmas Holidays but again so did I as a diligent retail gal at Staples. I think I am going to pick up a seasonal gig again this year just to put some cash in my pocket for my trip.

I was trying to decide if I should do a tree this year or not, I didn't last year and it was freaking weird, I just didn't have anyone to help (i'm too short to reach the top even with a chair) last year so I have decided I'm going to do one this year for sure even if it means not having a top for my xmas tree.

I start treatment next week so I don't know how much I'm going to be posting on here during. If I'm feeling good I'll try to keep everyone as up to date as possible. :) I hope this is the answer I've been praying for. Take care guys I'll try to keep posting pictures and stuff from xmas and decorating. xoxo

dance your cares away save your worries for another day let the music play...

For the last few months I have dumped all my plans for a boy and it turned out that's exactly what he was.

A boy.

I guess I need to start looking for men who have their shit together to some degree instead of these lost souls who aren't interested in doing what it takes to have what you want. I don't blame them or think ill of them. I definetly don't have mine completely together but I do own my own house, car and have a plan for where I want to go and what I want to do. I am a major part in my daughters life and happy with that relationship (couldn't be better) and I'm ready to somewhat grow up.(stop laughing dallas and shane! we all know it's impossible for Kareena to ACTUALLY grow up) I don't have any debt other then my house and I have a dream to follow. I'm ahead of the game.

I was talking to D tonight and we decided or at least I decided that the next guy I date if I ever date again, must MUST own his own vehicle. D thought this would be a good place to start for standards.
I also need to be with someone who accepts me and is supportive
to my dorkyness and creative style.

Tall order for such a short girl.

I know I have faults and pit falls. My state of mind is completely clouded and mudded at times but I know that I'm a work in progress and will get that sorted out sooner rather then later. Even if what I'm doing now isn't working I know what doesn't work and I'm not going to go down that road again (or at least do my best not to).

I highly doubt I'll be ready to date again for some time. I know (yes guys I actually am aware of this) that the last length of single-hood was awesome, I didn't date anyone for just about 2 1/2 years. I don't have a problem being on my own, I actually thrive while taking care of myself and enjoying the freedom of being able to just do things out of the blue or keep a plan in check if I want without interfering with more then just my life. I'm the kinda gal who at 3am decides she's gonna re-pot a plant in the kitchen and nothing is going to stop me until its done. Or I had a bad day so I need to go with M.r. to Timmy ho ho's in St.Albert for chocolate layer cake.

Like most people I think I forget to take care of my basic needs when I'm with someone. For instance, the last 4 months I haven't kept up with my journaling and I know that really got me down, or skipping out on a class to hang out with the boy, throws my little bodkins out of whackity whack.

I enjoy being with someone too though. I just need to sort out a few things before I jump feet first into the water again.

Some days are tougher then others but I know once my house is done with renovations I'll be alot happier too. Its hard to live in a constant state of chaos and keep your mind at peace and clutter free. Speaking of which I think it's time for me to go to bed. It's way past my bed time and I have to head to Edmonton tomorrow.

It's a certain someones birthday woo hoo! I hope I get to meet up with everyone tomorrow. I miss you guys so much.

rock in to the beat ya
we took it to the floor
dj in the club
spinning rekkids
backand forth

I have a tummy ache this morning. I think it's from eating too much Ice Cream with sprinkles. But I have to say the sprinkles were worth it. How else could you wrap up a great dinner anyways? Movies and ice cream are the only way to go, and while your at it you might as well eat so much your tummy aches cuz that's just the bestest part. :)

M.A.D.D.

Tis the season....

for major fatal accidents as a result of drinking and driving. I'm not going to say your a bad person if you do. I know lots of people who do and most of them aren't bad people. Most of them are caring, loving people who are my friends who wouldn't want to hurt anyone. Most of them haven't some of them have and are going to have to live with that forever. I've lost a great deal of people who are close to me, boyfriends, friends, relatives, who were killed in drinking related accidents where if someone chose to take a cab or designate a driver who could stay sober for the night and drive everyone home, things would have turned out differently.

It's never a good time or a better time for losing a loved one, but the worst time is Christmas especially when you have that persons gift all wrapped up to give to them but you can't because instead your wrapping them up in their best suit and tie and lowering them into the ground. So in the spirit of giving I give you this poem that has always stuck in my head when ever I'm at a service for a friend. By the time I turned 20 I had lost 14 friends to drunk drivers. So here's a poem in memory of them and be safe everyone if you need a ride and we live close to eachother call me. I'll come pick you up.

I went to a party Mom,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
so I had a cherry coke instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven,
put 'Daddy's Girl' on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you, Mom!'
So I love you and goodbye.

drive by

today someone drove past my house blaring old violin country music from the good'ole days.

it made me smile.

I'll be home for Christmas

I was really looking forward to going to a punk-rawk sho with my punk-rawk sho going friend from Sherwood Park but the band canceled. :( I guess that's karma for me canceling on D for a previous show of theirs a few years ago. I'm not sure if I'm going to get up to see a super awesome mamma now. But on the brite side my car has shiny new tires so that if I make the trek up there I will be doing so safe and sound. I even got a new cd to play on the way there so it's becoming more and more tempting.

for me since June upstairs and start living in my own house. I got a new wreath for xmas on my door and garland in funky beads and mirrors and sprakley things and in some odd way it really makes my empty smelling of paint house like a home. I can't wait to have the tv and couch set up for movies!!! My biggest escape or retreat is curled up on myAs for a house update, I have all the base boards painted and the bedroom, done along with the hallway and hall closet. I'm going to move up my furniture that's been oh so patiently waiting over sized couch with a blanket and pillow and soft balls of yarn in delicious colors of reds blues and greens knitting or crocheting little gifts for friends and family and new arrivals of theirs. Ah home sweet home. After next weekend putting the flooring in the kitchen and entrance I'll be all set for the most part. WOOHOO here comes the home stretch.

it starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose

Tonight on my way to my parents house just out side of town I got a flat tire. And being the awesome girl who's prepared for any major calamity (my parents should have named me Jane and not Kareena, although Kalamity Kareena could work) I didn't have a spare tire. So after walking about an hour this super awesome couple picked me up on the side of the road.

They gave me a ride right to my parents house, offered to change my tire for me and offered me a ride back into the Deer on their way back. Super nice kids. Made me believe that the youth of today is better then most people believe. I didn't have a cell, or mitts, but I had the kind hearts of two strangers who were under 25. Thanks you two made my night.

Hopefully my car can be fixed up for tomorrow to pick up the cute boy at the bus depot. I'm just going to get all 4 tires replaced. I also have to make time this week to go visit a super awesome mamma located just near Edmonton. I miss you A. and M. so much.

today I blew a tire on my car, I don't have a cell phone anymore,

ever wonder what's heavier then heaven and lighter then hell?

I think I'm coming down with a cold boooo.

tonight i'm making a list of presents for this holiday season
I think I'm gonna make em all again this year.
except for my brothers because I noticed last
year they didn't really like them
so this year I'll get them

gift certificates.

what goes down must project upwards

so i have half of my flooring in and half of the painting done. lots left to do but still moving along with it. i've been feeling a bit off for the last month and i'm not sure why. i'm getting a bit nauseated from this roller coast ride of emotions that sweep me up and down, and it's not even Christmas yet. tsk tsk tsk. anyways i just wanted to re thank everyone again for helping me out. i couldn't be here without you guys. (especially thanks to those who listen to me vent and lay down flooring and smile and nod at the crazy lady) and Allison I have my fingers crossed for you guys love you so much.

mauling over stray jackles

I'm wiped after this long week and long weekend. I accomplished so much and am so greatful to all of my wonderful friends and family for helping me get through all of this.

Patrick, you've been there for me through this whole week even when it was tough. Thankyou. You helped me with renos without any questions, you comforted and coddled me when I needed someone to cry to and you stuck it out with painting, dramatic phone calls from friends and were extra patient with my parents. That means so much to me. You're a really great guy and I don't know what I would do without you through this. You're going through so much on your end yet you still took this extra time to spend on me. I appreciate you so much. Thanks for loving me for me. Love you heaps baby.

Regan Shane Lance Trish Jarrod Tara and Jen, thanks for being there when I need ya and for always giving withouth ever asking for anything in return. It's hard to find good people but you guys deffinetly are good peoples.

And my family. You guys always pick me up when I'm down and encourage me and praise me when I'm up. I know it hasn't always been picture perfect but I really do appreciate all the help I've had from you over the last 7 years. I love you guys very much.

Just wanted to say thankyou to some very special people who've really come through for me this weekend.

First I want to say a super huge thankyou to Patrick. You've really been there for me this week. It's been really crazy and really

strands of snads

Been a little bit sorry folks. I'm doing great. Went to a Hyme or Him or whatever they're called concert. It was a wide awaking moment for me of how old I am. I was the oldest one in the crowd for starters. Second I noticed how fuxd up the lead singer was (I'm almost certain it was heroin) as he sat there smoking a cigarette that wasn't lit for quite some time. The other thing that made me realize I was old and pretty much a huge lameass was I didn't want to get up close to the stage because I didn't want to have gross sweaty pre teens and 20 something year olds. The only song I knew the lyrics to was a cover of a Chris Issac song "wicked games". It was sad for me but Ashley had an awesome time. They were pretty good good.

My house is coming along nicely. I'm so sick of painting at this point though. Latex paint is awesome but all this oil paint has me chucking buckets. And my heating bill is going to be gangbusters redick-u-loso from having to air out the house of fumes. Oh well it's looking awesome. I'm still not sure about what color the walls are actually looking like as it changes day to day, hour to hour. First I thought it was called Carolina SAND but it turns out it's actually called Carolina Strand. hmmm my bad. I thought it was going to be an off white kind of sandish color but sometimes it looks purple or green or blue or gray or rarely sand. I dunno maybe it's techno color. mmm that was an awesome rave....live in techno color. YAY

anywhoo hope you guys are having a super duper stat holiday and I hope you took a brief moment of silence for the men and women who protect and have protected our country and makes it the amazing place to live that it is.

blup libble lop

so I went to my favorite website to purchase a new wallet because I'm desprately trying to get rid of my current one. It's funny everyone compliments me on it but I think it's bum ugly and can't wait to get my cute new one. I went to check my items out paid got it all sorted. Then realized I didn't pick which style of wallet I wanted. So I plugged in my ref# and nothing. So I'm not sure if I even ordered a wallet or not but it is through UPS so I should be able to find out soon.

I'm just on my way out the door to see HIM with Ashley. (for all you old people like myself it's a band. Him is the name of the band which is really them?) So kurfluffery. See you laters skaters I'll let you know how it turns out. Oh and I'm almost done knitting one of my christmas presents to people. One done 104983493 to go.... just kidding.

tricks and treats. (mostly treats)

tricks and treats. (mostly treats)

So I have been reading this book lately that's got me really optomistic about being able to go off my medication and try something new. I really am excited about the prospect of being off all those drugs and still being able to live a normal healthy

when I grow up I want to be a rainbow

I think all the rain and sunshine that are us, I'll be able to
come out a rainbow after all, nothing beats the shiny warm
feeling of forhead kisses. <3

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that
and someone believed it,
and look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me. All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably magic....

Have you been half asleep
and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.
La, la la, La, la la la, La Laa, la la, La, La la laaaaaaa

Nothing is ever good enough it seems. I go out of my way to express how crappy I felt about myself to him and he doesn't even listen to that all he want

ate some super awesome yummy stroganoff today thanks to my wicked awesome cousin Ashley. She's good to me. We're going to see Him. on Wed. Should be good times. The last time we went to a concert we went to the Backstreet Boys. *cough cough* yeah it was a while back...anyways, I get to go for dinner at they're house tomorrow for chicken curry. MMMMMmmmMMMmmmm. What else. I watch this super awesome documentary on this insane couple who love each other in the most demented but real way. The film was called Crazy Love. It was a big story in the 50's and 70's. Horrific but touching and somewhat understanding yet unbelievable. Anyways I'm off to watch some movies and make a lil something something for a super cute guy that I'm madly in Love with.

nadda ladda much

it's 5am and I'm constantly waking up and not being able to sleep. My whole house is covered in plastic like a bad version of E.T. when the house is turned into a lab. That was so scary for me as a kid. It reeeeeeks of paint. Last night I was so violently ill from a combination of heat/dehydration/fumes/being suffocated with plastic all over/too many endorphins being released in my bwains! A super cute boy came over and saved me from the terrible fate of the ceiling fan. Gosh I thought that thing was never going to get out of the ceiling. I am forever in debted to him for it. I tried to convince a few friends to help me with that but the only thing that ever came out of anyone for that was the grand idea of my dads: make a plank using the ledge and a ladder, put a chair on that, have my little sister who's very much not little in hight stand on the chair while my mom or I hold a pole for her to use as balance and she either remove the fan or drape it in plastic????? all the while little ping pang runs with a spinning plate on the pole singing a circus song....seriously wtf....and not weasel taffy fluff either. Oh well he meant well. I just don't think it was thought through completely.

I talked to M tonight on msn and it really got me pissed off. I try not to let him know things bug me but tonight I couldn't help lay into him about stuff. I think the thing that bothered me the most is the lies he told his friends and family about me. Like that we weren't together when he was living with me. Sometimes I wonder if it has to do with the fact that I had placed my daughter for adoption while the other side of me thinks it's because he wasn't honest about why he moved to Calgary to be with me. Oh well what's done is done. I need to listen to Patrick and Brent and forget about it and move on. I just get so emotional about that stuff.

I haven't talked to Shane in a while. I miss ya dude. We should go to a movie or something since you keep mentioning the lack of movie-age in your diet. Any suggestions folks?

I still have to put up picks from Halloween. I'll get to it once I can stop getting high as I walk up stairs, where I then don't have a clue as to what I was going up there for. Man those paint fumes are killer!

girly as girly can be be be

I had an awesome time with my mini munchkin trick or treating. I'll post some Halloween photo's as soon as I grab my camera out of my car. I just wanted to post that today for some reason I smell really girly and I kind of like it. :)

whoa, so I had another dream that I'm going to share with you but it's kinda odd like me.

I was sitting in my seat that I used to have for home room in my grade 8&9 science class. My science teacher was also my homeroom teacher. Anyways remember how in science classrooms they have the sinks and gas and electrical outlets at the back around the class? well I was sitting 5 rows ahead of that by the door. Then Liam came into class late and sat down then went psst and walked to the back and sat beside someone and pointed at him (in our class no one was allowed to sit at the back like that in real life) Who was sitting there? none other then a backwards hat wearing zipup jacket wearing good lookin guy named graham. This would be normal except for his choice in lower wear. It was a long gray skirt that was made of the same material his jacket was made of. At that moment I knew I was dreaming and tried to hijax my dreams0z. So I made Liam me and Graham float out of the class room and out the front door to go for a walk down town to get cephalopods that were super mini and cute. Liam and I were giggling over grahams skirt but he was so insistent that guys could wear ones like that, we actually started to believe him. He looked good in it so what the hell.

Ever

I haven't watched so many movies in such a long time. I went to we own the night with my old movie going partner Ern. It was way better then what it looks like in the previews. Kinda dumb ending, like they ran out of film and that was that. I also watch at my brother's house, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Shooter, and Blades of Glory. All excellent, then at Brandons I watched the Simpsons movie and here Escape from New York and Barbarella. I think I'm good for this week.

I've also polished off three books, one on a new drug for bipolar disorder, one on planet X's return and last but not least the sk book in my series of the dark tower is now down for the count! Time to start the Alchemist.

In my Dreams

The players:






So I've told this story enough over the past day that I'll post it up here.
The other day I had a dream. It was so crazy it was cool. I promise non of this was added to and that sometimes it doesn't make sense cuz it's a dream I actually had. But here's a peak into my brain when I'm alseep:

I dreamed that the church my parents used to take us to was in it's old state of being burnt down and that Ty came down with extreme home makeover and built a totally pimped out church that was all cathedral like. Then he went on to say that they can't do it again because they aren't allowed to do businesses and only homes.

So they went outside the church and there was a coast line (alberta has no coast lines) and there was a hut and a poolish thingy with a slide that resembled a log ride? in the pool was a salmon run where instead of dolphins preforming it was salmon fishes. They made me go in the water with them and shoot a garden hose with a metal spray nozzle on it up in the air to get the salmon to jump and do tricks. I was disgusted that I had to be swimming with them and that they rewarded the salmon with dead fish ugh. Anyways this whole place was run down and decrepit and there were dead fish everywhere and the cephalopods were dying. It was really sad. So we started to fix it up with extreme home make over because this wasn't considered a business as it was the trick salmons home along with the home of the cephalopods. And how could I resist helping out my favorite of the deep sea?

So we start helping them and rebuilding the tanks and pools to form this awesome coastal attraction when the water chemicals start going all wonky and we turn to see that all the fish are dying faster then they were before!!! We tried to save as many as we could but all of them expired in our grasp. Then we heard a robot-ish laugh and looked in one of the view tanks to find a decepticon from the transformers turning a big red crank wheel that said poison!!! I screamed and jumped out of the canoe into the gross death filled pool swam to the edge and started running to my house, but the house wasn't my house I'm in now it's the duplex my dad lived in with my sister during treatment. So I ran with an autobot right beside me asking me what was wrong, I told him that the decepticons were after one thing and that was to destroy the my little ponies, so the autobot turned into a car and drove us to the house, where the ponies were.

Once we got to the house we decided to try to move the ponies who were all alive and running all over the place to another location but we couldn't just pick them up and move them there were too many. They were the size of a cabbage patch kid doll. Except the baby ones were the size of the mommy ones. So we got them half way down the block with the help of some Sesame Street Characters like Big Bird and Elmo and Spiderman. But I had a funny feeling because Big Bird looked evil. So we got the ponies into the neighbors back yard and because I didn't trust this spider man and the Big Bird I tried to get Elmo to understand why. But he was just too simple to catch on and Big Bird was starting to get suspicious. So then Maria from Sesame Street came out on her deck (she was a next door neighbor?) and I got Elmo to go talk to her but she was no help in explaining that it was not the real big Bird. In the mean time I had taken all the baby ponies and put them in the mail boxes of all the houses we went past. I was dying of thirst and so was everyone else. I got a message on my watch from the rest of the Autobots that they were on their way to save us they were just locating us on the GPS when all of the sudden spider man swooped down stole the watch and transformed into a decepticon in mid air and as he landed on his feet all the evil characters transformed to decepticons as well. Just then the Autobots arrived and I tried to hide with the ponies and save us into a shelter and woke up.

that's my dream. :)