Monday, February 23, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
dirty balloon animals
pretty cute and comical. If you go to youtube there's outtakes and everything to go with it.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
back to the oldskool
it never really mattered too much to me
but you are just too damn cold to see
all that really mattered was you were my only friend
and baby that's all that mattered to me
let me love you now,a feeling that's just so right
let me love you now,you know it's gonna be alright
let me love you now,even if it takes all night
let me love you now,you know it's gonna be alright
fou
found an old hardcore cd that was made by a certain someone and this track used to and still does give me shivers everytime i hear it. Thank you. Actually I found a whole bunch of stuff related to this in a fabric covered box with pink ribbons, and a power puff girl shoe box in it. Odd I was just thinking of those shoes last night and didn't connect the contents that now call that box home. I was down stairs looking for a soldering iron and it fell on my head. It's too close to the "date" to be of comfort or maybe it should be. I don't know. I'll have to think about that a bit.
but you are just too damn cold to see
all that really mattered was you were my only friend
and baby that's all that mattered to me
let me love you now,a feeling that's just so right
let me love you now,you know it's gonna be alright
let me love you now,even if it takes all night
let me love you now,you know it's gonna be alright
fou
found an old hardcore cd that was made by a certain someone and this track used to and still does give me shivers everytime i hear it. Thank you. Actually I found a whole bunch of stuff related to this in a fabric covered box with pink ribbons, and a power puff girl shoe box in it. Odd I was just thinking of those shoes last night and didn't connect the contents that now call that box home. I was down stairs looking for a soldering iron and it fell on my head. It's too close to the "date" to be of comfort or maybe it should be. I don't know. I'll have to think about that a bit.
Mallowz
Marshmallow originally was derived from the roots of Althaea officinalis, a pink-flowered mallow plant that grows wild in marshes, hence its name. In the Middle Ages, the mucilaginous sap soothed colds and sore throats. The ancient Egyptians enjoyed mallow sap with nuts, a gooey treat they reserved for gods and royalty.
Later on it was made of egg whites, gelatine, and surgar. Just thought I'd let you in on marshmallows. Since they are one of my favorite ideas.
Later on it was made of egg whites, gelatine, and surgar. Just thought I'd let you in on marshmallows. Since they are one of my favorite ideas.
quarantined infections
parts are under quarantine and I wanna say from zombies but it's just the flu. A friend sent me this cuz of the zombies and I think it's super cute.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Gutz
It's been a really odd week this week. Everyone is acting like it's a full moon for patients. I think it's cool how the moon dictates a lot more over our lives then we publicly accept it to.
Even with my friends it's been kinda weird. Maybe it's just me? I've had a lot of my friends lately tell me how much they appreciate me and how much they love me and how grateful they are to have me in their lives. I do my best to say the same to them and remind them that they are never a far thought in my heart and head. I never expect them to reciprocate the vocalization or notation. But this last week it's been over the top and I love it. Feels good.
Other things that feel good? my hair cut! I love it so much! :) made a valentine card, been a long time since I've done that for anyone. I stitched intestines and put I <3 your GUTZ it was cute. He deserved it. ;) Spent Friday and Sunday night hanging out with him and friends it was a great weekend.
Had a huge heart to heart with my sibling regarding the AARC episode the other night. Lots of tears and hugs and I think we've gotten to clear the air on a lot of issues that came with going through that hellish point in both our lives. The secrets we kept and the hiding of our lives from the rest of the world, it was tough. I'm still gonna say it saved lives but it also took a lot away from us. They are definitely meant to be the last resort. And I would take my kid there if it was a last measure before death. I just wouldn't make it the first. It's great to be so close with my family now it's such a 360 from where we were 10 years ago.
Life's falling into place that's for sure.
Even with my friends it's been kinda weird. Maybe it's just me? I've had a lot of my friends lately tell me how much they appreciate me and how much they love me and how grateful they are to have me in their lives. I do my best to say the same to them and remind them that they are never a far thought in my heart and head. I never expect them to reciprocate the vocalization or notation. But this last week it's been over the top and I love it. Feels good.
Other things that feel good? my hair cut! I love it so much! :) made a valentine card, been a long time since I've done that for anyone. I stitched intestines and put I <3 your GUTZ it was cute. He deserved it. ;) Spent Friday and Sunday night hanging out with him and friends it was a great weekend.
Had a huge heart to heart with my sibling regarding the AARC episode the other night. Lots of tears and hugs and I think we've gotten to clear the air on a lot of issues that came with going through that hellish point in both our lives. The secrets we kept and the hiding of our lives from the rest of the world, it was tough. I'm still gonna say it saved lives but it also took a lot away from us. They are definitely meant to be the last resort. And I would take my kid there if it was a last measure before death. I just wouldn't make it the first. It's great to be so close with my family now it's such a 360 from where we were 10 years ago.
Life's falling into place that's for sure.
pt2
such a pretty song, reminds me of times after abs love that lil one.
Never ever, felt this way about...
The things you do to me
Never ever knew, couldn't do without
You and me
But I didn't read between your lines
And I didn't know there was no one like you to find
Why didn't I see
This before
Why didn't I come
Back for more
Now I do feel
The pain inside
Now I have seen
All I can do is hide and..
Cry...
All I can do is
Cry
Cry...
All I can do is
Cry
Like this
Cry...
All I can do is
Cry
Like this
Maybe one day I will realize
That you're gone
Maybe now I can't see the world apply
Has become
The beginning of a
Lonely night
The beginning of a love
'Cause these words linger in my mind
Why didn't I see
This before
Why didnt I come
Back for more
Now, I do feel
The pain inside
Now, I have seen
All I can do is hide and..
Cry...
All I can do is
Cry
Like this
Never ever, felt this way about...
The things you do to me
Never ever knew, couldn't do without
You and me
But I didn't read between your lines
And I didn't know there was no one like you to find
Why didn't I see
This before
Why didn't I come
Back for more
Now I do feel
The pain inside
Now I have seen
All I can do is hide and..
Cry...
All I can do is
Cry
Cry...
All I can do is
Cry
Like this
Cry...
All I can do is
Cry
Like this
Maybe one day I will realize
That you're gone
Maybe now I can't see the world apply
Has become
The beginning of a
Lonely night
The beginning of a love
'Cause these words linger in my mind
Why didn't I see
This before
Why didnt I come
Back for more
Now, I do feel
The pain inside
Now, I have seen
All I can do is hide and..
Cry...
All I can do is
Cry
Like this
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I can't play your part in life
But I would surely walk my way
I cant think the way you think
But I would never go away
You can trust me when I say
That I will always be for real
You can always count on me
No matter how alone you feel
If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so
If I were you
I can't tell you what to do
I can only hope for more
More decisions to be good
Like the way they were before
I can't dream the things you dream
Cause I would not know where to start
Life is never what is seems
When two souls are far apart
If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so
If I were you
I don't wanna know
How it feels to lose a friend
And if I were you
I would never leave again
If I were you
I would never let me go
If I were you
I would always love me so
If I were you
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
smiles
had a wonderful day today. hung out with Biddi and went down town and went to my two favorite stores. had an interesting job offer that i'm considering. even got to chill with bosman for a bit and went out to a drink and a movie with the GSO then we hung out and he helped me with WOW. lol yeah I know I'm a nerd who needs as much help as she can get on this effin mac. But now I'm going to bed with a smile on my face cuz spending time with him makes me smile. but i have to get to sleep cuz i have a hair appointment tomorrow. I promise i'll post pics of last weekend and my new hair tomorrow after work (midnight).
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
yay me
found a journal from Calgary, it was just before I moved back here. after i read it i cried. tears streamed down my cheeks and I had the hugest feeling of relief and empathy for the girl who I used to be. the girl who penned the pain and fear and strength that it took her to move on to a new life with nothing to lose as she had lost everything at that point. No longer do I have to keep make up for hiding bruises and marks, I can wear it because its fun, no longer do I have to clean up after anyone except myself, and no longer do I have to lie about my life and what's going on in it.
I'm so different now, I'm independent, confident, strong, loving, and not afraid of what's to come. I know that I'm able to take care of myself in every way needed and I have the love and support of my family, friends and co workers. I can over come anything.
The past 6 years have taught me that more then any of those before. If I can get through a divorce, the placing of my daughter, losing a child, abuse, losing my best friend and teacher of life, and escaping Calgary I can face anything. I can over come anything placed in front of me. I know life still has alot ahead for me and a lot more loss but I'm ready for it. I came out of it all with a great relationship with my daughter, a new family along with it to love, new friends, new love, greater respect, understanding, my own house, and great memories with more to be made.
I had a co worker tell my mom tonight what a great aide I am and how it amazes him how full of life and experience I have at such a young age. He told her not to let my dream for higher education ever dim because I would be excellent in the field I want to go in. That makes me feel really good. Finally others see my passion and drive to succeed.
it just proves
Everything happens for a reason.
I'm so different now, I'm independent, confident, strong, loving, and not afraid of what's to come. I know that I'm able to take care of myself in every way needed and I have the love and support of my family, friends and co workers. I can over come anything.
The past 6 years have taught me that more then any of those before. If I can get through a divorce, the placing of my daughter, losing a child, abuse, losing my best friend and teacher of life, and escaping Calgary I can face anything. I can over come anything placed in front of me. I know life still has alot ahead for me and a lot more loss but I'm ready for it. I came out of it all with a great relationship with my daughter, a new family along with it to love, new friends, new love, greater respect, understanding, my own house, and great memories with more to be made.
I am an independent and confident woman
warming the world
with my contagious and sincere
smile.
warming the world
with my contagious and sincere
smile.
I had a co worker tell my mom tonight what a great aide I am and how it amazes him how full of life and experience I have at such a young age. He told her not to let my dream for higher education ever dim because I would be excellent in the field I want to go in. That makes me feel really good. Finally others see my passion and drive to succeed.
it just proves
Everything happens for a reason.
Feb 13th at 9pm on CBC
There's a story coming up on the 13th on the Fifth Estate. It has to do with an adolescent addiction recovery program that boasts an 80% recovery rate and controversial methods to gain these stats.
I have a feeling I know exactly which Alberta recover center this is. AARC. How do I know about AARC? Well one of my siblings (I have 6), is a graduate from it. My family all 10 of us were a part of her recovery. I was probably the least involved. That's why I prolly shouldn't be the one to type this. But I have to. It did save their life and it brought people in my family together. What ever they are going to say on this tv show I'm not sure if I'll agree or disagree.
It's not just the kids that go through the program it's also the family, parents, brothers, sisters, everyone! They are harsh, restrictive and unfair, they are tough love and it works. I think at the same time it alienates these kids from normal kids but on the same token they chose to do that to themselves. There are a handful that relapse, and pick back up there are also a handful that leave and die on the streets. This is a last resort for most families. But I can tell you from experience that when someone you love the most in life is at that point you reach for anything and everything to save them, to save yourself. It's truly hell for both parties and all involved.
They struggled through this torture, this round about life style and constant movement. No time for manipulations, head games or dances. They finally got to leave and go through school. But those years were pure and utter hell. I lost my family for a lot of it but what can you do, two years to save a life is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and even at such a young age I could see that. I do have to say thank you to Nick for trying to be a support for me through the whole thing. I know it wasn't easy what so ever. I doubt he reads this but if he does. Thank you.
It was one of the hardest times in my life and I wasn't even involved. Maybe that's what made it so tough. But I was supporting myself and going to school and doing what I needed to do to survive. I didn't have the luxury of going to Calgary twice a week and on weekend. I had papers to write a job to go to and school to attend or school to skip. But I am grateful for the program. I don't think I'd have them in my life anymore if it wasn't for AARC.
I also have a step step sibling that went through. I don't have alot to do with him but I know if it wasn't for AARC he wouldn't be here either. So I am quite interested to hear what they say about the program. Check it out if you can.
I have a feeling I know exactly which Alberta recover center this is. AARC. How do I know about AARC? Well one of my siblings (I have 6), is a graduate from it. My family all 10 of us were a part of her recovery. I was probably the least involved. That's why I prolly shouldn't be the one to type this. But I have to. It did save their life and it brought people in my family together. What ever they are going to say on this tv show I'm not sure if I'll agree or disagree.
It's not just the kids that go through the program it's also the family, parents, brothers, sisters, everyone! They are harsh, restrictive and unfair, they are tough love and it works. I think at the same time it alienates these kids from normal kids but on the same token they chose to do that to themselves. There are a handful that relapse, and pick back up there are also a handful that leave and die on the streets. This is a last resort for most families. But I can tell you from experience that when someone you love the most in life is at that point you reach for anything and everything to save them, to save yourself. It's truly hell for both parties and all involved.
They struggled through this torture, this round about life style and constant movement. No time for manipulations, head games or dances. They finally got to leave and go through school. But those years were pure and utter hell. I lost my family for a lot of it but what can you do, two years to save a life is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and even at such a young age I could see that. I do have to say thank you to Nick for trying to be a support for me through the whole thing. I know it wasn't easy what so ever. I doubt he reads this but if he does. Thank you.
It was one of the hardest times in my life and I wasn't even involved. Maybe that's what made it so tough. But I was supporting myself and going to school and doing what I needed to do to survive. I didn't have the luxury of going to Calgary twice a week and on weekend. I had papers to write a job to go to and school to attend or school to skip. But I am grateful for the program. I don't think I'd have them in my life anymore if it wasn't for AARC.
I also have a step step sibling that went through. I don't have alot to do with him but I know if it wasn't for AARC he wouldn't be here either. So I am quite interested to hear what they say about the program. Check it out if you can.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
for use of a frying pan
Is it really true that those who laugh the loudest have the most to hide?
The loss of such a person is a devistation that no one can truely comprehend...
Love you always smelly belly.
Why yes dear Shamus it is.
The loss of such a person is a devistation that no one can truely comprehend...
but
just know that I understand the connection and I do feel for your loss.Love you always smelly belly.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Royal Rainbow!!!!!!
So my ex sent me this on msn and have to giggle cuz yeah Love is like a Katamari....or at least my love is <3
No pictures cuz I suck
I'm sorry I have left my blog nagelcted but in all honesty i uploaded a ton of pics only to not save and have them deleted damn auto save being down. *sigh* Most of you have FB and can check them out there, I'll load em up on Flickr soon too...maybe.....if i have time.
I've been working retarded amounts this week. I love my job thankfully and so it's been a joy. My birthday went extremely well for the most part and I am enjoying the life of a 30 year old. :) Friends and family and the wee ones came over to help me decorate. Some key players ended up not coming but what can ya do, I understand that life is happening and there's no stopping it or even slowing it down.
I got great bday gifts and the one that's getting the most use right now is
my new Final Fantasy IV Game
I've re fallen in love with my DS again because of it! I take it in the tub with me and to work and on my lunch break and my commute (when I car pool and am not the driver) in bed, on the couch, I'm a Final Fantasy feind right now.
I love everything I got though and thankyou to everyone who showed up and for those who helped set up. Love you guys lots.
I've been working retarded amounts this week. I love my job thankfully and so it's been a joy. My birthday went extremely well for the most part and I am enjoying the life of a 30 year old. :) Friends and family and the wee ones came over to help me decorate. Some key players ended up not coming but what can ya do, I understand that life is happening and there's no stopping it or even slowing it down.
I got great bday gifts and the one that's getting the most use right now is
my new Final Fantasy IV Game
I've re fallen in love with my DS again because of it! I take it in the tub with me and to work and on my lunch break and my commute (when I car pool and am not the driver) in bed, on the couch, I'm a Final Fantasy feind right now.
I love everything I got though and thankyou to everyone who showed up and for those who helped set up. Love you guys lots.
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