can't sleep ffs!

its like 7 and i can't sleep. i slept for an hour but woke up with nightmares,
it's the 3rd day in a row i've had them.
i'm almost thinking about going to my dr and getting some sleeping meds.
just so i can sleep through for a full 8 hours or even 5 would be heaven.

i want so badly to go back to montreal this summer and go to piknic. i miss montreal so much and i miss michel and our fun crazy adventures that ensue when we are together. i think i might have to start saving up and just take vacation and go.

but i have so much to save up for, a new bike, a new tv, blizzcon, disneyland, well pretty much anything fun. ugh. i need a renter. plain and simple.

well i think i'm gonna try to have a nap....wish me luck.

so i found this bumper sticker a few months back and it made me think of one person. i sent it to a few of my friends who play video games, all but the one person it made me think of.

sappy but that's how i'm feeling today

~every day that goes by lets me know i made the right choice of toughing it out,
and sticking around, and never letting go.
while they weren't easy choices
i still made them and i don't regret them one bit.
the things in life that you regret are the risks you never took.
follow your heart and you'll never be steered wrong~

never too many books.

i'm looking at my book situation and have come to realize that i most definetly either need to get rid of some books (get rid means give away, i'd never ever throw out a book) or build a library in my basement. i'm thinking the second option is going to be the one i choose. now just to figure it out how to aquire decently priced bookcases.

gah

i've been trying for the past week to post up photos of creepy stuff.
but alas the photo loader continually times out and the photos are unable
to post :( *ranty fists photo loader* maybe i'll try again tonight
8th times a charm?

plummet

went to counseling today over a similar situation the girl who wrote this was in. a few of you know i was dealing with this forever(over 11 years)and never got any real resolution but i think i have one now, having loving supportive people in my life like you guys changes everything.

=) rad rad read

so i did get to go out riding with dellertson and the gso, and that made things awesome, then i got to have one of the greatest things ever, A CHERRY COKE! so that made up for everything. we all went out for all you can eat sushi today then watched movies and played world of warcraft. i even got to chat to my older brother for a bit on there. it's crazy how a video game that once tore me apart from people now brings me closer to the ones that matter. silly huh? so i had a pretty rad weekend between working some great shifts, playing with friends, going for a ride on the back of a bike and drinking my addiction in, and spending time with people i love.

i'm a pretty lucky girl i do have to say.

its so nice out today

i wish i had a bike today, *sigh*
and i hope you're feeling better Dal!
you should stop frowing up tons, that will make you feel better.

rainbow sparkles or sprakles however you want

i figure i'd post something happy to start the day off right :)
so this is a photo that dellertson sent me as an example shot of Bokeh
it just makes me smile and have a happy warm feeling every time i look at it so i figured i'd share it with you all.
enjoy!

something even hurt is better than feeling nothing

today was just fail.

i forgot my lunch and my phone and my book at home along with lipchap (huge uhoh when you're on accutane) get to work and find out one of my favorite patients that i really connected with (i reminded him of his daughter) had passed away (odd thing was i was thinking about him a lot last week and was going to ask one of the red deer workers how he was holding up) it creeps me out that when people pop into my head like that usually its for a reason. then i found out another patient i really liked on seniors passed too (he was so sick for so long). thank gosh i worked with really great people who kept me going through it all. starburst helped too and i rode home with my mom who let me vent about it all and break down and cry. between all that and this stupid drug making me cry so much and flip out about everything i just don't know. thank gosh again to my boss for understanding how sick i've been lately and how much rest i really needed more than anything. i am feeling better than i did last week but my emotions just feel so raw and exposed. *sigh* hopefully tomorrow will be better.

i hope this week goes easier than the last.

brent

i wish you realized how much i need to hear or read that you love me.
you show me you do. you show me that you're scared to love me. scared to have these feelings that are so intense and so real and so right. i know that, but it doesn't make it easier to take. i wish you could realize what you have standing in front of you. or maybe i need to stop dreaming and realize that nothing in this is going to change. i'm always going to be on the back burner waiting for her to move out or you to move out or you to move in. why do i continue standing here? because i love you. i love you more than i've ever loved anyone. i believe in you, i believe in you so much that it's enough for the both of us. you have a way with me and a way with people that not everyone is lucky enough to see. you have compassion and empathy and you're smart. there isn't a single person i would rather be with or have fun with. maybe you remind me of my dad, always waiting for that praise or compliment that may or may not come out of his mouth. either way i just hope you realize how much i love you and how much you mean to me and how much i do for you and believe in you and wish only the best for you.

my dreams are getting scarier and my thoughts are getting crazier.
i can't wait to be done this stupid drug.
i can't wait to feel

reminds me of someone hmmm

tough week great ending

its been a crazy week, i end up dehydrated and weak, and tired, so i have to take time off to recover, my lil car gets munched again and it takes us 3 1/2 hours to get home from calgary in a blizzard. BUT i got to hang out and play video games with china tim, and the GSO,(ghostbusters on ps3 sucks hardcore btw) and redeemed my ticket for my birthday present from Bosman.

Yup the hardcore duo do the ladies, Barenaked Ladies! we did the VIP thing and meet and greet, got our swag signed, had a few conversations with the boys and thoroughly enjoyed the concert and opening acts. the show was great, i do have to add that there was a more serious tone to it then most shows and you could see the appreciation they have for their continued fan base and each other as the show went on. we asked them during the meet and great back stage if they have any songs that they are going to retire now that they are sans steve, and if they would sing brian wilson (mine and bosmans song) and they said nothing is ever retired, but they are going to have to continue to "re vamp" some songs such as brian wilson as every time they sing it, they feel like they're doing a cover song of a barenaked ladies track rather than singing their own music. they did a special request song of the album snack time that they weren't planning on because of a little girl who sat two seats down from me. she made them a little sign with eraser as the request. so they pulled it together and sang it even though it's honestly a tough song to do live. I loved how much more Kevin sings. He's got to be my favorite in the band. They're all super talented but he kinda takes the cake. I can't wait to post photos just waiting for bosman to send em to me. so stay tuned.


i have to add it took us about 4 1/2 hours to get home last night from calgary. the roads were terrible. i don't know what it is about my birthday excursions but the rides home are always brutal, even if for different reasons. but i can't complain cuz the last two bday prezzy's were freaking unreal. thanks again bosman *big smooshy hugs*

i heart getting my ass kicked at atari

i will post pics from other randoms and my house reno's but i just want to set up the rooms before i take photos of the renos and try and find pics of before to compare them to.

things have been going pretty good. i feel somewhat disconnected from the world lately. especially with the gso working opposite schedule of me, i really have no one to hang out with before or after work. and nights like tonight when i can't sleep it makes it even tougher. i keep meaning to blog about things that have been happening but nothing is really going on lately. just a ton of house renos and that's about it. oh and my dad kicked my ass at atari's real boxing. he's still got gamer in him which is good to see. he does so much for me, and i appreciate all of it, but i have to say the 1/2 hour we played video games together meant more to me than anything. <3
i still get all pissy when i lose but yeah it was worth losing this time.

and to top it off i have to say a huge thanks to my mini one for getting me the atari in the first place. her and her family are super r0x0rz yay!

giant pink bunny

if you read the comments rob sent me this as a comment and i love it so much i'm posting about it. i love the idea of this read the article here

finally some pic-a-tures

took me a long time to remember to bring my bag up with the camera in it to post photos. i'd always remember at work but when i get home i just go into auto pilot mode and throw the bag in the same place by my shoes then i have no ambition to go down the stairs and get it. anyways here are some photos i promised the GSO i'd post from our runs through the tunnels at the psych hospital we work in.