epic

warcraft is boring (no one is on there either) so here i am figuring i should prolly blog a bit to catch you up on everything going on. I had a really great day, went over to pick up the GSO and went for chinese food for lunch/breakfast, then made my way to pononka to meet up with Ryan to go to Starwars in Concert. I'll post some pics off my phone it was really freakin awesome. They had stuff there from the actual movie, like costumes and guns and stuff. pretty rad stuff i tell ya.even warcraft is boring (no one is on there either) so here i am figuring i should prolly blog a bit to catch you up on everything going on. I had a really great day, went over to pick up the GSO and went for chinese food for lunch/breakfast, then made my way to pononka to meet up with Ryan to go to Starwars in Concert. I'll post some pics off my phone it was really freakin awesome. They had stuff there from the actual movie, like costumes and guns and stuff. pretty rad stuff i tell ya.no on is online and its boring and my feet kinda miss other feet, silly i know but it's true.

/hug

tonight i got the hug i was needing for the past two days
from an unexpected source,
but i have to say it was one of the most sincere and heartfelt hugs
i've gotten.
and for that the world shone a little brighter today.

i feel like someone close to me has died

some days i feel like i'm just wasting my time, and i know it's not his fault by any means, he does his best or at least i believe he does most of the time. i really needed brent the last two days and i feel like he doesn't have time for me, he's too busy with wow or whatever he's doing to really pay attention. maybe i'm just over sensative to stuff right now i dunno. the past two days have been fucking hell. my emotions are all over the map and i just really need some reassurance and i wasn't getting any from him. i go out of my way to make his day better and i just wish he would do the same thing on the days i need it. if i don't answer his call right away he gets pissy but if he misses mine or doesn't text back right away i'm suposed to understand that and be ok. i dunno sometimes i feel like this is a one way relationship of give. but i know it's not on my better days. i got a hug from the least expected person shannon...she even offered to come see abbi with me on days i can't do it on my own and offered to take the day off for it. i mean she doesn't even really know me i couldn't believe it. i needed a hug so badly and she gave me one of the best ones i've ever had ever. maybe she's not so bad after all. i dunno. everyone deserves love. even shannon. i just wish brent could have been there for me. its hard when he's living with pam. it makes everything so much more complicated. i wish she would just move out or he would get the courage to see that life for everyone would be better if he just moved out. i keep being patient but how long do i keep waiting. it's been 2 years in september. do i wait until january? i dunno all i know is i love him so much. i love him more than i loved graham, more than i loved brenty. more thank i love anyone to be honest. and i'm willing to hang on and keep being patient until i just absolutely can't anymore. and i don't know when that is. but i think it's going to be this year. i know its more about his kids and i'm not trying to say pick between me or them, i'm just saying they'll be happier, he'll be happier, she'll be happier and so will i once they all move forward with their lives. i just wish he realized the greatest thing is what we have and it's worth moving forward to. i dunno. maybe he does maybe he doesn't. either way its up to him.

fast forward today please

i've been playing with some new layouts for my blog. i've talked about changing stuff before but didn't. now i have some templates to work with that i really like so who knows it may make it's way on here....change is good right?

had a crappy day today. woke up late, scrambled to get ready, slept through lunch with dellertson, dropped off coffee and candy for the gso since he was working a day shift and that always sucks(i hate the week of days he works i'll be honest but at least all the other evenings work out), went to a really nice baby shower, but i'm not a baby shower kinda person. i'm happy with just having my mini one and when i go to stuff like that everyone asks when i'm having more kids. and i hate answering that. some days there's a part of me that wants more kids...kids aren't even the issue...i just don't ever want to go through pregnancy again. it's like 98% of me never wants it and 2% of me does but it's pretty easy to quash that 2% as soon as i think back to labor....gawd that was horrible. people say you forget about it after a few years....i'm going on 6 and it's still like it was yesterday. so i guess i'll live vicariously through my siblings and friends having babies. i really don't mind that at all. i know if i was to parent i would be a great mommy. but i know it's just not in the cards to give birth again and that's ok with me. =)

so after the shower i went to work, worked with great people but it must be a full moon or something because shit went sideways all night. came home needing some love and a hug, didn't really get any. now i'm just pouting and gonna go to sleep. i just want today to be done so tomorrow can be better. i want to crawl under the covers and hide from the world. i'm sure tomorrow i'll feel better after sleeping in. i can't wait until my days off so i can see the mini one and go to bonzai and eat yummy food with a super awesome guy. oh and if you see me tomorrow give me a hug, it'll be needed i think.

sw00test job

I haven't had internets for the past few days so I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. That will be remedied after the 14th apparently. But until then I have to thank Carlos the magnificent whoever he is for letting me snitch his internets. Thanks Mr. Magnificent! you rock.

I had one of my clients say good bye the other day. I hope they do well in their new path in life. Made me almost cry with the kind words they said. Gotta love those moments. Makes it all worth while. But honestly I have the greatest job and every day of it is worth while. Even when I don't want to get out of bed I still enjoy going to work. BEST JOB EVER! Helps that I work with some of the greatest people and in the most interesting field.

Anyways my eye keeps watering and it's annoying and I should try to get up at a decent time on my day off. Night night.

i found this as a hidden note on my laptop and it made me smile, i've heard it before but it always makes my day to read it again and again i hope it

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

love it or leave it that is the question

i'm in the process of gathering as much information as i can on options for my house, to sell it or refinance it or move it to a different lender, then what kind of mortgage i want. it's been an ordeal and a half and some what over whelming at times. part of me loves my house especially now that it's all renovated. part of me hates it because it's so big and i live in it all alone. part of me loves it cuz i can have people over for bbq and such and the other part of me hates it because i just don't have enough time to do all the up keep i want to with it. all that and it's really expensive to stay here all by myself. i want to get a roommate but i'm nervous of that as well. if i were staying here for a longer period of time i would just not worry about any of it. i almost think i should just wait out the 2 more years and struggle through it and reap the benefits of staying here. but to me 2 years is too long. and that means 2 years of being broke and not being able to afford to go to school, do anything really fun and what not. who knows maybe after all my researching i'll find a way to make this work in my favor....wish me luck.

The GSO and I go on a road trip with a plate of soup for a car and a pink camera of doooom to capture it all