spoon fed

http://www.spoonfedart.com/

I love this stuff, its absolutely gorgeous, I don't own any of it but would love to. Check out the site it's pretty rad.

In other news nothing really new, my dad's hopefully coming to see me tomorrow with a new bbq for me yay. (well new to me). Just been working trying to get ready for the summer, went to Blackfalds Days with Dawn and my sister and her kids, it was awesome. Poor Kjorvi though he wanted so badly to go on the rides but would freak when he got on them, he loved loved loved the tilt-a-whirl and Sarika did too. Dawn and I went on the bigger kid rides on our own, loved it. When we were on the scrambler as it was about to go this emo chick shouts out to her bf "i love you" lol now everytime I go on a ride and it starts up I'm gonna proclaim my love to some random stranger "i love you" lol I can't get that out of my head. Also Rob got some Bob Ross for me so now I can have my un unique painting party and create a happy little world with happy little trees tap tap tap tap....

darlins on charlie

Waitin, watchin the clock, its four oclock, its got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says shes in love with him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
Cant find a better man (2x)
Ohh...

Talkin to herself, theres no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears hes gone
She lies and says shes in love with him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
She lies and says she still loves him, cant find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, cant find a better man...
Cant find a better man (2x)
Yeah...

She loved him, yeah...she dont want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah...thats why she'll be back again
Cant find a better man (3x)
Cant find a better...man...


Never settle for second best Jeremy always told me and so I never want this to be the theme song for any of my relationships. I never want to have that lackluster pretendation of love. I think you should fall in love as often as you can. It's a beautiful thing that is full of joy, pain, growth and strength. It's the one thing that is in every song that is sung, and has been the focus of songs and meaning of songs from the dawn of time.

For now I feel happy with just being me with just me. I'm happy for the first time in my life with everything in my life. I have a home and a car and a job, I'm independent and confident that I'm an amazing woman who can get through anything that's put in front of me. Sure I have my bad days, but all in all I look back to where I was a year ago and I've done a complete 360 from being a woman trapped in an abusive relationship where I wasn't appreciated, in a living space that was chaos and torture from both roommates, jobless, carless and worst of all hopeless. I have faith, I believe that this is gonna work out and I follow my heart to where it should be. I've risked and loved, cried and hugged, held on with the last grips of my fingers and I've made it this far, I have alot further to go but I know I'm going to make it. :)

cuz I can

Seriously I have enjoyed this song from the moment I heard it on the way to my parents house on the radio. Then you watch the video and you realize why weezer are my heros. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

it's more then just 42

I think I've found the answer in my life that I've been looking for. It came to me with the help of Boot and Regan and Bos. I just wanted to say thanks boys, you're amazing.

things

the last few days have been a blur of rapid shift movement, work is cutting back hours and that sucks, so i'm gonna have to find something else. have some new friends, hung out with some old ones, played ball and board games, learned a ton about whamy bars? and monkey balls and dead hooker removal (ask bosman he's apparently the exptert) and have taken up running. So things are just really busy and good. :) in my own kareena odd sort of way.

Society by Eddie Vedder

Oh it's a mystery to me.
We have a greed, with which we have agreed...
and you think you have to want more than you need...
until you have it all, you won't be free.

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.

When you want more than you have, you think you need...
and when you think more then you want, your thoughts begin to bleed.
I think I need to find a bigger place...
cause when you have more than you think, you need more space.

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me.

There's those thinkin' more or less, less is more,
but if less is more, how you keepin' score?
It means for every point you make, your level drops.
Kinda like you're startin' from the top...
and you can't do that.

Society, you're a crazy breed.
I hope you're not lonely, without me.
Society, crazy indeed...
I hope you're not lonely, without me
Society, have mercy on me.
I hope you're not angry, if I disagree.
Society, crazy indeed.
I hope you're not lonely...
without me.

I have so much that I could write here after these lyrics but I don't really feel like I have to. I find that the more and more "stuff" and "needs" and "wants" we have, we get lost in who we are, and we start to become such a huge part of the picture that we don't realize that society would still be there without us. I just hope that the small part in society that I play it's one that is respected and in some small way significant to the bettering rather then the deteriorating of it.

me me me

I've come to realize over the last three months that I'm an incredible woman. I am a rad person to hang out with, I'm beautiful and I'm strong, I can conquor anything that is put in front of me. I'm a good person who loves her family and close friends. I'm an amazing birthmom who loves her daughter unselfishly. I'm amazing, I know I must sound full of it, but you know I've been so hard on myself for so long it's time I realized that I'm a gooder and not a badder and get my life going in a better direction, world, here I come~!

new new new

New ball glove, new runner shoes and new cellphone number wooohooo for new, also went on a long walk it was great. Had an awesome day off. Still waiting to hear about my african kid but other then that things are getting better and going awesome and looking up. :) yay

funzies

Had a super rad weekend.

Played mini golf, catch, made a fire pit in the yard, built a lawn mower, installed a dishwasher (ok so rob did the last two for me) had a mini party and really enjoyed having amazing friends and people I care about over. It felt like the way it used to be having people hang out here. Even my sister made an appearence. Tricia and I went on a mission to find pogo balls and failed fabulously at it. Craig Nicole, Ricky,Richard, Mike and his boss stopped by for some hang time and beers. It was a great weekend. From Thursday to Today. Thanks boys and girls.

funzies

the house and stuff updated

Dancing in the rain

When the day turns into night

And the world is sound asleep

Thats when you take me higher

And the secrets that we keep

You try to bring me sunshine

But you leave me feeling cold

I can't wait forever or put my life on hold

I can't wait until you stop your everlasting games

You don't no cuz you’ve never seen me dancing in the rain

If you really wait too long

But you won’t know until you've seen me dancing in the rain

Dance in the rain, we'll be dancing in the rain

If you close your eyes and then you hope to find

In the distant dawns of your mind

And no matter what it’s just the same

When you see me dancing in the rain

If you want me to hold on

And make your life complete

Make me feel you need me

And every time we meet

Set my heart on fire

Then you let me down again

That’s why you'll always find me

Dancing in the rain

I can’t wait until you stop your everlasting games

You don’t know cuz you've never seen me dancing in the rain

Dance in the rain, we'll be dancing in the rain

Had an awesome day yesterday, mini golf, beep beep beep and sunshine. Couldn't have asked for a better day.

Today was a bit of a struggle, my hand didn't want to work right and I was over tired and a bit cranky. I've come to realize I really really need sleep. Which doesn't really fit my personality at all but I guess I'll have to accept it.

Destroy She Said Music Video

Destroy, she said
My love again
The end will come quickly

don't try again
To make amends
You'll just end up sinking

If you explode in aftermath
Don't think you've been dreaming

Destroy, she said
My love again
When it's not worth keeping

Like towers falling down
Like a bomb blast in your town
Like a hostage tied in chains
I could not forget your name

Like a helicopter crash
Like a ghetto that's been smashed
Like bodies on a battlefield
I can't live with how you feel

Not along and not apart
You finished what you could not start
In the corners of the day
You catch my eye and then looked away
What a generous remark you made
When you blew it all away

ooh lala

so I've been meeting a ton of new people, and getting back into doing what I do best: laughing, having fun, dancing and going out with friends. it's been awesome to have everyone be so supportive lately. I couldn't ask for better friends. I missed meeting new people and making new friends. I didn't realize how important that is to my lifestyle. And of course dancing. Since I starting shuffling my feet I've noticed a huge difference in my smile, it's bigger. yay for fun in my life again. I'm not going to let all this health junk stop me from LIVING the life that I love. I just have to be more aware of stuff around me that's all. Anyways I'm super wiped. Night Night!

The reason.

Shared a really special day on Saturday with really special people. Evan's mom came to birthmothers day and that meant the world to me. It was nice to have all the support of my adoption family, friends and family. Had some major revelations there with some trusted gifts given. I am so lucky to be me. The other night I was kinda down and thought about all that I had done in my life and after talking to some good friends I've come to realize that I don't have regrets because I follow my heart. I don't always make the best decisions and have had to go through things the hard way because of it but I know it's ok because I believe and follow my heart. Amazing thing is, I got two tokens from the day that said just that. My life is so connected.



Saw speed racer which blew my mind!! I was in ADHD heaven through the whole thing even when the guy fell down the stairs in the theater, I had to ask if he was ok cuz everyone else just laughed. But it was funny. Anyways. yeah the movie was like they took everything out of my brain and sloshed it on the screen :D it was rad. Foxy was just that in the whole thing especially his ninja scene *drools* I never go all gaga over guys on screen except for two. M Fox and E Embry. *swoon* Anyways. Yeah that's about that.

why confuzzled....

So alot of you are asking why I'm confuzzled on face book and for my Internet stalker alone since he only has a pretend face book account and not a really real one, I figured I would type it out on here. *cough dallas this is you cough*

I'm just going through alot of emotions right now, this week has been really challenging and thankfully I have friends who've pulled through for me and that makes me ever more the greatful for what's been going on.

I had a surgery not this week Tuesday but last week Tuesday and ended up waking up half way through the procedure. Not a great thing to have happen. Anyways on Monday I ended up going to Emergency because of the pain I was in and the fact that my right side of my body was going numb. They did some tests and more tests and more tests and now I have to go see a neurologist on Friday again to talk about what this could possibly be and why it's effecting me now. I'm super scared. And I guess that's what's got me confused.

If you know me in person then you know I always end up being the "strong" one in the group. That's my role and I love it most of the time. I'm good at it, I know when I can have my time to break down and I do but this has been really confusing.

My friends need me to be strong and I just can't do that while I'm so nervous about everything, in pain and struggling to get over some relationships that I've recently lost due to moving/death/change. But I don't really know how to be anything but strong. And my friends don't really know what they can do for me because they know I don't like them making a fuss.

Dallas came down last night to take care of me, I was so greatful to see my best friend again, (thanks craig and munazza for making me go to the hospital) Shane and Nicole have been making sure I'm some what eating and I appreciate that as well. Brent and Mike have been really good at calling me everyday but man is it ever hard to get all this help or to ask for help or anything like that. I'm not really the kind of person who asks for much in the help department. I don't like to bother people and I don't like to let people know I'm having problems or that I might not be strong enough to deal with some of them on my own. I'm doing the best I can and I'm sure the tests are going to say I'm fine, they'll probably confirm all of your thoughts that i'm not normal but we all knew that was coming anyways.

I'll be here for a long time, I have too many people to annoy *cough dallas cough* with paper fortunes and silly ideas and boy troubles.

so that's what's been going on. I'm making it through thanks to every one's help and getting me to stay on the positive track. It's nothing until I get a label. But it's hard to listen to that when your body is going numb and your brain feels like it's been electrocuted.

needles not for tattooing are yucky

blood work, CT scans, mri's
somethings wrong with my bwain inside.

I don't know what's going on with me but something not good is happening I guess I'll find out on Friday or at least have another doctor tell me they need to do more tests. Yay for tests!

time bomb

Couldn't wait to find out where you came from?
Thought I was too late and your smile empty
Considered my life like a time bomb
And you exploded right in front of me

Everytime I think of you I'm happy
Never really wanted anymore
Or anything or nothing else
Couldn't see the wood for tall trees
My loving brings me down to my knees
I'm celebrating everytime I think of you

You are my rhythm, feel the beat tonight
Don't be shy babe when you know it's right
The clock is ticking hurry home to me
The door is open you don't need a key

Hold me, touch me, find a way
Share my dream and want to stay

what else can i say, it's been in my head all day and I can't get it out. Makes me wanna smile all day long which wasn't too hard with everything that happened today. Talked with my super rad awesome friend from England and it was so good to finally get connected after so long apart. Then went to the new Harold and Kumar movie with Craig. Can't get much better except Nicole is gonna be showing up at 9 or so I think which I can't wait for cuz she's so awesome.

You dont know a thing about me
Is there something you should know?
I can tell you what you want to hear
Let your inhibitions just go

No, you dont know what you will give up
You dont know what you want
It may take you years to find out
You dont know what you need
Its something that may never come to you

Trust is something that comes easy
When youve never been a victim
Lies and promises and words are said
Its youre decision to accept them

No, you dont know what you will give up
You dont know what you want
It may take you years to find out
You dont know what you need
Its something that may never come to you

i love this song it makes me feel so happy and justified for some reason :)

Craig and I are going to go car shopping tomorrow I'm excited to get a new set of wheels soon so I'm not depending on everyone to get me places like to work ugh. Thanks Ninja C

blipp blipp blob

wow can we say bi polar? Today is insane! I have customers yelling at me about "damn faxing", friends showing up for lunch =D and painting while listening to amazing tunes, after being let down majorly today. I think I'm done for the day *exists stage left*

pictures from my week.

so I have this girlfriend that I aboslutely adore to death. She's so amazing! Everything about this girl is positive and her energy

is so pure. Even though this is a terrible picture of me *ok not terrible but not great* it's a rad picture of her and I just can't say enoug good things about her at all. So I figured a picture would do her more justice

I swear she's a soul sista for sure. Up beat, happy and always moving. She's got great ideas and the energy to make them happy. Last weekend I got to help her build a door way and install door knobs figuring out that I'm usesless at puting in a door knob :D she still loves me though. She makes me smile big smiles just thinking about her. I loves ya Nicole. You're super rad.

Here's my dad and Sarika


Kjorvi doing his orange thing


sarika doing her cute thing