why confuzzled....

So alot of you are asking why I'm confuzzled on face book and for my Internet stalker alone since he only has a pretend face book account and not a really real one, I figured I would type it out on here. *cough dallas this is you cough*

I'm just going through alot of emotions right now, this week has been really challenging and thankfully I have friends who've pulled through for me and that makes me ever more the greatful for what's been going on.

I had a surgery not this week Tuesday but last week Tuesday and ended up waking up half way through the procedure. Not a great thing to have happen. Anyways on Monday I ended up going to Emergency because of the pain I was in and the fact that my right side of my body was going numb. They did some tests and more tests and more tests and now I have to go see a neurologist on Friday again to talk about what this could possibly be and why it's effecting me now. I'm super scared. And I guess that's what's got me confused.

If you know me in person then you know I always end up being the "strong" one in the group. That's my role and I love it most of the time. I'm good at it, I know when I can have my time to break down and I do but this has been really confusing.

My friends need me to be strong and I just can't do that while I'm so nervous about everything, in pain and struggling to get over some relationships that I've recently lost due to moving/death/change. But I don't really know how to be anything but strong. And my friends don't really know what they can do for me because they know I don't like them making a fuss.

Dallas came down last night to take care of me, I was so greatful to see my best friend again, (thanks craig and munazza for making me go to the hospital) Shane and Nicole have been making sure I'm some what eating and I appreciate that as well. Brent and Mike have been really good at calling me everyday but man is it ever hard to get all this help or to ask for help or anything like that. I'm not really the kind of person who asks for much in the help department. I don't like to bother people and I don't like to let people know I'm having problems or that I might not be strong enough to deal with some of them on my own. I'm doing the best I can and I'm sure the tests are going to say I'm fine, they'll probably confirm all of your thoughts that i'm not normal but we all knew that was coming anyways.

I'll be here for a long time, I have too many people to annoy *cough dallas cough* with paper fortunes and silly ideas and boy troubles.

so that's what's been going on. I'm making it through thanks to every one's help and getting me to stay on the positive track. It's nothing until I get a label. But it's hard to listen to that when your body is going numb and your brain feels like it's been electrocuted.