The Muppet Movie with my Mini one and the car ride to and from!
2hours and 24min phone call at 3am and knowing there's more where those came from <3
Killing zombies with Bear
FOO FIGHTERS with Bosman!
Nugget runs
Sayders and everything that is awesome and terrorizing about her
My car Crispen Grover
Finally meeting Ben and his super rad girlfriend
Late night random visits from Jarisrad
Halloweening with the mini one in her SUPER costume
Katanna Banana and Sarah Pickles moving in they're the most wonderful bestest roomies ever!
Chety making his big appearence
Going to Disney World all that it was missing was a Dars
Trying to explain my favorite sound to the small fries (it's pete btw)
Finding out what freedom really feels like
James and his Jeep and how perfectly he places his words to me.
The walking dead and it's awesome show titles.
Lanceisrad and his awesome gaming ability to get me sucked into yet another MMO.
it was a really tough year full of a lot of pain but at the end of it all i really found the sunshine thank you to all my friends and family for all your support this year. I couldn't have made it without Dars,Bos Jarisrad, Bear, LB, JJ&S, Curly sue, Arcturis, James, Sarah Pickles and her wee one Mar and Mom and Ashcash, brenty and Dal. All the late night phone calls and adventures i dunno what i'd do without all yall. Thanks . <3
Got a new room mate for a little while he's super awesome and makes me smile all the time. Really good guy. But it's just for a bit then back to being a house of us girls. Had a decent Christmas with my lil family. Worked for most of it though. Had a pretty rad day today, talked with my little sister and her kids, took care of saydikins went for coffee with one of my best friends and I'm gonna help her paint her art room so we can paint on canvases together in there. I'm also going to throw in the towel and try scrap booking with her. We'll see if I can get over my fear of cutting up expensive papers. *shudders* Got an email from one of my favorite dj's in the UK, which totally made my day. I miss him so much.
and i got some face time with one of my favorites. he's so good to me and i love our 2 hour and 24min long phone calls at 3am just talking about nerdy things and trips we want to go on and our puppies and stuff that makes us smile.
things are looking up. just gotta get sayders feeling better if i can.
so i took saydi to get her picture taken with santa, they were so good with her and even though it took 25 shots and only three turned out along with many different poses including santa laying on their side in a fold out spread position, we got one that works and its framed and on the picture gallery. once the photo loader is fixed on here i'll post it. she's sooooo cute!
one great thing that's come about since the gso and i parted ways is that i have gotten so much closer to saydi our puppy. she's been such a good companion to me through all of this and gives me something great to wake up to every morning and something great to cuddle up to sleep with every night. thank you saydi for being the best sayders possible. i love you tons. <3
Had some great days off with friends and family. Chet has arrived and he's so adorable. I just love him to bits! He's so furry! I also went out with Jim and made some new friends and hung out with old ones. Sat up late playing Skyrim, taking my Saydi out for walks enjoying the snow with her is always a good time. Pretty rad days off if you ask me.
Been having a great week, started it off with date night with my roomate who had pizza and beer ready for me when i got home. went for brunch at moxies with a hawt guy and breakfast with a good friend today. got my puppy her xmas prezzy....a tread mill. got a super good deal on it 20bux! and it's motorized so now when it's late or -30 out we can go for a run. thanks to the gso for helping me move it and fix it up, your baby saydi thanks you too.
i had the bestest halloween with the mini one, we went trick or treating on our own for the first time ever. she kept saying the whole night that it was the best trick or treating eva! we raced across the streets like super heroes as she was super girl for halloween. (she changed her mind about the zombie costume because she was scared) we had a really great time. i love spending time with her. she means the world to me.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
i'm too pissed off at the world trying to put on a brave face to be able to blog. i'm still reeling from my aunts death (she was one of my top blog readers too btw) a month ago and the gso and i broke up and i'm not too happy yet about that
i went to foo fighters with bosman and partied with some amazing friends for halloween last night and monday i take the mini one trick or treating....we're going as zombies....so things aren't all bad. right?
today was sad for me....Block Buster is officially gone from my neighborhood. I effin love renting movies and now I have to resort to buying them or renting them on tv (which kinda blows). No longer can I touch all the movies i pass and read the backs of them or hear from my fav employee what great movies are out that i would love, yes they knew me well there. *sigh* i never stopped loving my job when i worked there. if i didn't work so much i would have taken a second job working at one. oh well i guess i'll get over it one day...just not today
maybe it's because my nails smell like fresh nail polish as i just painted them with glow in the dark nail polish when i was laying in bed bored to tears....yes my eyes were tearing up....also a possability from the nail polish. ok ok ok i've learned you do not paint your nails in bed especially glow in the dark as they are far too distracting to fall asleep.
i read wicked for a while, played Klax on my DS and just layed there listening to my breath trying to fall into a lull of sleep....didn't work. anyways i miss all the others who can't sleep that used to be up on msn. sigh gone are the days. and boot if you're reading this reply to my email mr.!
I know I publish fewer blog posts than I used to but that's cuz I'm out doing fun stuff irl. But I am gonna wonder where some of the bloggers I always read that aren't posting have gone. Heather I miss your blogs so much, PC Load Letter..... where are you? Bottom Rung you rarely post anymore. I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH! So if you still read my blog reply or even better slide up to the new post button and post a new blog entery! ;)
so i've been approved for vacation FINALLY to go to the happiest place on earth....DISNEYWORLD!!!!!
I'm going with my parents and I just can't wait! The best part about it is that there's starwars weekends where there are storm trooper parades and such, autograph signing and R2D2 mouse ears you can get! so heck yeah i'm excited!
ok so i'm going to post about something i hate admitting to anyone that i do. i fart. yup plain and simple i pass gas. the other day i explained how i do this by means of a rubber duck. you squeeze a rubber duck it squeaks through the bottom of it's self.....kinda like when the GSO told me to relax and squeezed me>>>> I farted (like the duck i squeaked out my bottom). So there you have it. Me farting is like a rubber duck squeaking. We are both cute and both push air out our bottoms making noise.
I remember my girlfriends son came home so disheartend and when she asked why he said because you lied to me mom and I got in trouble for it. So she asked him to explain what happend. So a girl in his grade one class farted and he got really concerned and asked if she was ok and she said ya i just farted i'm fine. well he started calling her a liar and got really upset with her outrageous claim...."its all because you told me girls don't fart mom!" we burst into tears laughing and she appolegized and explained girls do fart (just like rubber ducks)
So I'm on night shift and reading this really awesome book that I refound on my art bookshelf. This bookshelf contains books on sewing, painting, drawing, and fabric art (not quite sewing but kinda like sewing). The book is called The New Artist's Manual I've linked it just incase someone wants a better look at it or is feeling artsy and doesn't know where to begin. I'm hoping this helps me with my oil paintings. And for those of you who put in an order for a painting I haven't forgotten about you, I'm still painting. Except for Tom (i doubt he reads this) I'm having trouble giving you yours because I love it so much, BUT it will end up in your hands soon.
I know I'm tired and this double shift is dragging on but I still feel this way even after I work out and feel "great". A co worker described my feeling exactly when he told me that the Kareena he met was like a freshly cracked bottle of champagne bubbling and fizzy and over flowing, and lately I've been the same bottle but flatter like I'm three days old, still the same bottle just less life to me. I've been stuck in this rut for the last few months. I know my life needs changes in it. I know I need to let go of the hurt that's dragged me down for so long to this point. I just hate letting go of something I seem to love so much.
I'm incredibly hurt tonight. I'm at the point where I don't know if I can continue this relationship and I doubt I will
So the GSO and I joined a gym last week and so far we've gone twice and started eating better. I started at my heaviest I've ever been. I blame the medication and no self restraint. I'm happy to say that in the last week I've lost 5lbs! This gives me hope and motivation to keep going. It's a 24 hr gym so it fits into our schedule nicely and gives us another healthy thing to do together along with our roller blade adventuring. (I'm getting better at it but still look like a fool on wheels)
even though i loved being married i never thought i would think about it again but i guess that's the magic of it. our timing was off, just like the skip in the constant beat in our hearts, we broke down to individual broken bits only to pull each other up and glue us as one stronger unit together. some times we're a mess but its the most beautiful mess and i love us. I Love Us.
not much new in life, had a really great phone conversation with my mini one and i'm going to paint her a picture of a butterfly since that's a huge connection for us. whenever i see a butterfly it means she's thinking of me and vice versa. the GSO brought it up that maybe i should get a butterfly tattooed on me for a symbol of the mini one and as much as i dislike butterfly tattoos it sounds like a great idea.
i'm still addicted to netflix and my dog has taken over the house. she's our little princess. but don't worry i'm not dressing her up or painting her nails. but she is a big reason why i get up early and stand out in the rain and lost ten pounds because of walking her so much. she's learned to sit and shake and almost lay down, now she just needs to come and not eat MY socks and MY pj's....never the GSO's only mine.
so that's a mini update on my life. nothing crazy just plain fun.
so i've been doing a ton of growing, personally, garden wise and my video game collection as well as some new skills such as rollerblading. one other thing in my personal collection of growing is my hair. i have this delema every time it gets to this length. should i keep growing it (it's starting to get heavy and i usually wear it in a pony tail.) or should i cut it off. if my hair dresser was still around i would cut it cuz i know she cuts awesome super rad short cuts and gets what i'm asking for. so people who read this give me a vote...or the name of a great hair dresser. until then i'm gonna keep growing i think and bettering my roller blade skills, maybe i'll look like one of those hot girls with the great swinging pony tail at the gym or rolling by. (for now i just look awkward in my boots).
i've also been expanding my painting. no i'm done with painting walls, but i've started painting for others on 9x7 canvas board. just to try something new, they give me inspirations and i give them a painting. not a bad deal....win win for both of us. i'll post all my paintings after i photograph em once a month. i was thinking of doing painting a day but that's too much commitment especially when i can't even blog everyday.
so here goes to an new chapter in life full of growth.
Monday, April 25, 2011
So I'm going to be an aunty again soon. I'm thrilled about this since I'm prolly not going to have a baby
Dave I miss you, every time I hear this song I think of you and know how much you understood this song was meant for both of us. I've gone through so much this past month and I've been wanting you around to talk to about it you've always been a person I could go to with my crazy life and know that you would listen with a kind heart and understand how much hurt I had. Know that no matter where you go, who you become and what goes on .... I will always love you for you. -agent'EE'
I know its hard to tell How mixed up you feel Hoping what you need Is behind every door Each time you get hurt I don't want you to change Cuz everyone has hopes You're human after all
The feeling sometimes Wishing you were someone else Feeling as though You never belong This feeling is not sadness This feeling is not joy I truly understand Please don't cry now
Please don't go I want you to stay I'm begging you please Please don't leave here I don't want you to hate For all the hurt that you feel The world is just illusion Trying to change you
Being like you are Well this is something else Who would comprehend That some bad do lay claim Divine purpose blesses them Thats not what I believe And it doesn't matter anyway
A part of your soul Ties you to the next world Or maybe to the last But I'm still not sure But what I do know Is to us the world is different As we are to the world I guess you would know that
Please don't go I want you to stay I'm begging you please Please don't leave here I don't want you to hate For all the hurt that you feel The world is just illusion Trying to change you
i miss you. fuck who am i kidding, i miss everyone... i miss my life i miss my bed, but at the same time oddly this is growing in and on and around me like this, this place, this institution, this hospital is my home. i feel safe i feel normal i feel weird outside of it. i wish that things were easier and i wish they were more difficult. i wish too much and the days drag on. i feel like i'm getting better though. i mean you can only go up from how low i go right?
I'm sorry my fellow readers I'm going to be away from internets and all it's glory. I promise I will be back eventually and promise to have amazing stories to tell from where I am and what I am doing. < 3
[Chorus - Rihanna:] Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
[Eminem] I can't tell you what it really is I can only tell you what it feels like And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight High off of love, drunk from my hate, It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me She fucking hates me and I love it. Wait! Where you going? "I'm leaving you" No you ain't. Come back we're running right back. Here we go again It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped Who's that dude? I don't even know his name I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again I guess I don't know my own strength
[Chorus - Rihanna:] Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
[Eminem] You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe When you're with 'em You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em Got that warm fuzzy feeling Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'em Throw 'em down, pin 'em So lost in the moments when you're in them It's the rage that took over it controls you both So they say you're best to go your separate ways Guess they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday Yesterday is over, it's a different day Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her Next time you show restraint You don't get another chance Life is no Nintendo game But you lied again Now you get to watch her leave out the window Guess that's why they call it window pane
[Chorus - Rihanna:] Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
[Eminem] Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine But your temper's just as bad as mine is You're the same as me But when it comes to love you're just as blinded Baby, please come back It wasn't you, baby it was me Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano All I know is I love you too much to walk away though Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk I told you this is my fault Look me in the eyeball Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall Next time. There won't be no next time I apologize even though I know its lies I'm tired of the games I just want her back I know I'm a liar If she ever tries to fucking leave again Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire I'm just gonna
[Chorus - Rihanna:] Just gonna stand there and watch me burn But that's alright because I like the way it hurts Just gonna stand there and hear me cry But that's alright because I love the way you lie I love the way you lie I love the way you lie
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I hate this part. The part that hurts so much but you know it's the kind of hurt that is going to make you stronger, like when you're training your body to run. I know I just have to break through the wall and drop all the weight that's holding me back. I've made the first steps, now I just have to keep pushing through. I'm so lucky to have the people in my life that I do. I don't think I've had to be alone for one whole day since all this went down. I've had great people take me for dinner every night and play video games with me, I get bed time phone calls from oscar winners who tell me bed time stories and tell me I'm beautiful before I fall asleep. I have the greatest girl who's been coaching me from experience the entire way, reminding me to focus and keeping me on track. I have a great counselor who keeps giving me home work that causes me to reflect on where I'm at and why things happen and how to change them for the better. And I have the greatest co workers who are super supportive and I really do love my job. I'm scared what's going to happen in the next year but I know even though I feel alone at times I really really really am not. Thanks Dars, J, Bear, JJ&S, Bosman and Mar, Arcturis and Wright, Wheelleg, SA'00'R, and the JarisRod and sarah pickles.
black swan due date machete kind of a funny story wall street faster the mechanic love and other drugs garden state the tourist
and on a side note * thank gosh for clicky things
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.
an account of random things i come across in my life, opinions i have at the moment, and a mini glimpse into the life of me. no promises on this blogityblog =) enjoy!
