insomina my friend how i didn't miss you

its weird i'm having the hardest time getting to sleep lately, usually i can totally get into the night shift swing of things but this week has been brutal and i've been so tired when i wake up. things are a bit stressy with some stuff but i think maybe it's the lack of sunshine? i dunno, maybe the feelings in my heart, just waiting for summer to actually be here, or maybe i just don't blog enough to get my feelings out or thoughts down. I don't know. I'm in my creative swing again where my brain isn't turning off ideas and i just don't have the time or room to even think about starting any major or minor projects right now other then finishing up some of this mess of renos i'm in and getting my garden ready to plant in a week. Blah. Anyways I'm gonna go to bed. or at least pretend to.

hopefully if i get permission to blog about my friends then i'll have a pretty photo and a story.

boots and picnics

spent my days off with two people in my life who rock. this is a little props to them.



boots

what in the world would i ever do if we drifted apart again. i would be torn. no matter how crazy our relationship is it always has these moments of calm caring and sincere connections. i love those moments. i love our secrets that we hold and i love the way we know each other so well even when it drives the other crazy. its like you can read my mind and you tell me things i want to hear, that i don't want to hear and that i need to hear. you have a place in my heart that can't be replaced. never has been and never will be. you come into my life when i need you the most and remind me of who i am. thank you for being that person who is like that person in a movie that never ends. (no not the never ending story either nanananananaaaa never ending stoooooory nanananana) ps thanks for picking up the pieces where some "others" left off. i know that drives you crazy but i totally appreciate that.


picnics

i know i tell you all the time how much i appreciate you and how much you mean to me. you always say it's nothing but honestly it is everything. you do so many things, fix my car, fill the bird bath, listen to my heart, teach me secrets to x's and o's because of you i am able to see that i am worth more then i realize and that i deserve better then i get from some people that treat me a little or a lot less. you remind me of how much i rock. you're genuine and sincere which is hard to come by these days. you share so freely with me and i appreciate that as much as the little things you do that are so huge to me. you hold me in such high regard and treat me the way i deserve to be treated and it sets an example for me and i love it. You're a true friend and I value all the time we spend together. Thank you for making life just that much better by being in it. ps. i can't wait to go on our picnic this summer cuz it's really gonna actually happen.

we'll have halloween at christmas

lots has happened in the last little while. i went and saw some shows with a cute boy from sherwood park. got a red shirt from said show along with a cd and stickers. it's my first shirt since leaving the big red machine. And then a super cute girl (not me) came to visit from Kelowna and that was super awesome (pictures included) then broke my ankle by falling down the first set of stairs at my house with laptop in hand, went for a ride on a fast bike. Too tired came in on Sunday and spent the day with me, we met the boys for Caesars and then went and visited poptart and his kidlets. then today just kicked back (ankle elevated) with the boys today enjoyed sleeping in and being spoiled. Captain picnic and i agreed that this year for sure we'd do our big picnic and he showed me how to play SOS and how to win at x's and o's and he drew me some giraffes. And today i got two letters about the out come of my job. apparently i didn't get the position but the posting is closed so either that means they're gonna leave things the way they are or the hiring freeze on all jobs at the hospitals is in effect for this position too and i'll have my job for a while, or they put in the wrong info for who got the position and as of next week i won't have my pt position and i'll have to start back on call again. I wouldn't mind on call but there aren't any shifts because they hired so many aides. I'm a bit nervous but all i can do is trust that everything will work out because it always does, and that i'm where i'm supposed to be regardless.

end of may yay

i'm so excited one of my friends is coming to visit from bc i can't wait to get a hug from her. this long weekend was awesome. had people over for a fire and enjoyed the company of some great friends and good lookin guys. I'm a lucky girl I know that for sure. Had some car problems earlier but they got sorted out with some help and i had an amazing conversation with my dad which has changed my world a bit. :) for the better that is. so ya, it's been an amazing end to the month. couldn't ask for more.

some days i have no problem with the way things go between us and other days it hurts me althought i knew that's what i was in store for with this whole thing

mum's the word

lets talk about the m day that just happened. I'm sure every mother has posted about it. well i guess I'm included in that category now. i called too tired on Saturday the 9th bawling because i felt like i hadn't really had any acknowledgement from my family on birth mothers day, and in all honesty I've never really enjoyed birth mothers day other then to see the few women who made it easier to get through my adoption story. (you know who you are) and so i was hurt that my dad didn't call or that he went out of his way for my daughter and her family not that they don't deserve it but i just wanted some recognition....anyways so after i cried myself to sleep feeling sorry for myself i was woken up at 9am from a speaker phone in the jeep call from my dad, step mom and twin niece and nephew to wish me happy mothers day....this meant more then a birth mothers day call cuz they're acknowledging that I am in fact an actual mother. Again as much as her mommy told me how important i was that day other things over shadowed birth mothers day which is usually where we have a big fuss made over us......but on mothers day my mini one said happy mothers day....and her mommy told me how great of a gift i had given them....and that again meant more then anything to me.

I cherish the idea of birth mothers day, i think it's sweet that they have it the day before to signify that we were mothers for the first bit, i got to experience a single mothers day as my daughters mommy, and so maybe it's a bit of a sore day for me....i don't even really enjoy Christmas anymore or any other of the sham filled days except Halloween. I find them all very painful and stressful and the only joy i get out of them is from the kids in my life. I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, my hands are kind of taking control of the keyboard along with my heart, I guess what I'm saying is I'm not sure why I feel it's more painful to separate the two days instead of just having the single one. No matter if we were first or not we are all mothers to some degree. I'm not against birth mother's day I just find that it's a lot harder to deal with personally then just having a mother's day and that's my own issue and burden.

so back on track, i just want to say that i was silly to be so hurt and grateful for the wonderful people who love me and who called to tell me happy mothers day. Thanks gang and thanks to those who texted me back that day and too tired for listening to me cry that night. I love you guys so much.

here is a mini clip of the mini one, it will only be up for a week then I'm taking it down cuz i don't like posting too much about her on here. for the first time i think she kind of looks like me when i was little.

i haven't blogged in a while not because i've forgotten to but just that nothing is really happening right now that's blog worthy, just been working a ton and trying to get my car to stay on the road other then that things are pretty boring right now. i'll have more time this week and prolly throw in an entry or two....

play

this week has been one crazy ride. I've been so lucky to have awesome friends and people who love me so dealy.

still no word from hyundai sales guy about my car, but the oil change got done thanks to a friend from work

ffs

I'm so mad today:

take my car in to get the clunking noise looked at, and find out I need:

4 wheel aligment majorly but that's minor compared to:

front struts, strut mounts, inner tire rods, new front wheel hubs and 2 front tires and a new head gasket which the gasket alone takes 8hrs of labor and yadda yadda yadda so I'm looking at spending 2000.00 on a car that has not even been mine for a year.

I called my dealership today and they said that none of it is covered under warranty, but I my sales guy is calling me back with some kinda answer to all of this hahahaha.

*grumbles*

fawk i have the worst luck with cars.

tatunk tatunk tatunk vroom

i live on a busy t intersection, and all weekend i've been able to listen to the sound of people going fast all day and night....i'm so envious. also i have been hearing a lot of tatunk tatunk tatunks of skateboards going down the side walk, i can't help it i have to peek out the window to check it out every so often ..... i love warm weather :D