mum's the word

lets talk about the m day that just happened. I'm sure every mother has posted about it. well i guess I'm included in that category now. i called too tired on Saturday the 9th bawling because i felt like i hadn't really had any acknowledgement from my family on birth mothers day, and in all honesty I've never really enjoyed birth mothers day other then to see the few women who made it easier to get through my adoption story. (you know who you are) and so i was hurt that my dad didn't call or that he went out of his way for my daughter and her family not that they don't deserve it but i just wanted some recognition....anyways so after i cried myself to sleep feeling sorry for myself i was woken up at 9am from a speaker phone in the jeep call from my dad, step mom and twin niece and nephew to wish me happy mothers day....this meant more then a birth mothers day call cuz they're acknowledging that I am in fact an actual mother. Again as much as her mommy told me how important i was that day other things over shadowed birth mothers day which is usually where we have a big fuss made over us......but on mothers day my mini one said happy mothers day....and her mommy told me how great of a gift i had given them....and that again meant more then anything to me.

I cherish the idea of birth mothers day, i think it's sweet that they have it the day before to signify that we were mothers for the first bit, i got to experience a single mothers day as my daughters mommy, and so maybe it's a bit of a sore day for me....i don't even really enjoy Christmas anymore or any other of the sham filled days except Halloween. I find them all very painful and stressful and the only joy i get out of them is from the kids in my life. I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, my hands are kind of taking control of the keyboard along with my heart, I guess what I'm saying is I'm not sure why I feel it's more painful to separate the two days instead of just having the single one. No matter if we were first or not we are all mothers to some degree. I'm not against birth mother's day I just find that it's a lot harder to deal with personally then just having a mother's day and that's my own issue and burden.

so back on track, i just want to say that i was silly to be so hurt and grateful for the wonderful people who love me and who called to tell me happy mothers day. Thanks gang and thanks to those who texted me back that day and too tired for listening to me cry that night. I love you guys so much.

here is a mini clip of the mini one, it will only be up for a week then I'm taking it down cuz i don't like posting too much about her on here. for the first time i think she kind of looks like me when i was little.