Deadly

on another note of the great day of the 28th of January (cough birthday cough cough) an author whom i've never really understood died. JD Salinger who wrote the classic Catcher in the Rye, which also happened to be our first and only book in our dead bookclub "reading is for awesome people". I figured it was short so it would be a good start but all of us lost interest in it and became quite annoyed at it. Now honestly part of me thinks that if a book can bother you that much maybe he accomplished his goal of bringing out emotion in the reader. Perhaps that was his goal to piss us all off at the character the whole time? Who knows and now we can't even really ask him because he died on my birthday. Why do people die on that day? My uncle passed on my birthday too the day I met my future ex husband....how odd. Anyways yeah I thought I'd throw that little bit in there.

the end. (literally for JD)

So I found out what my awesome lil Abs is getting me for Christmas. Now I don't usually gush over girly things like handbags, yes I do enjoy a good bag and love making them but I do not enjoy spending an over priced amount on any one brand and yeah I usually just find whatever works for slinging over the shoulder. But on this particular occasion I was quite excited.....I'm getting a Betsy Johnson Bag!!!

i heart final fantasy

I got the letter from my friend who passed away a few weeks ago. I'm glad I waited to read it. I'm not going to say everything it said on here but it comforted me to know that I didn't do anything wrong, it was going to happen even if I had called or had not called, and that I had made a difference in their life regardless of the actions that had proceeded. It also read that I am the only one who would understand the stance they took just before and that's where I think they are wrong. A lot of us undertood.

Friday I'm going to the Warehouse for GuySmiley night. I'm hoping too tired can come but I'm thinking with all the stress in her life right now this is an event I'm flying solo to. I can't believe still it's been a year. I'm trying to be brave but its hard. We had the deepest conversations and the silliest. It's hard to find friends that were as sincere as he was. The world became a bit more dim when he passed. But hopefully a visit with the mini one will give me enough strength to make it through :) she usually does that for me more then she knows.

Also thanks Captain Picnic for the untangling of string for me. I totally appreciated that today. My mom took me out for dinner too and that was super awesome. Went for coffee with a new friend and got lost in time with them, I love when that happens as long as I'm not late for work. I picked up a new book thanks for the suggestion Dal. So on that note i'm gonna go read my new book....

What's love? Rhythem is a dancer with piano lines baby!

So works going good except I work a bit too much. Oh well. It keeps me out of most trouble. I'm starting to make more friends now that I'm becoming a familiar face in certain units which is nice. Met this one guy who's an aide, we were on a night shift together. We ended up having so much in common and looking up different countries we want to visit. He did relief work in Africa with Aides victims which is totally my dream. So we had tons to talk about. It was great. I found I'm actually making friends with lots of girls out there too which is a big change for me. Although the last stint at the big red machine I made quite a few girlfriends there too. I love my job. It's great, even on the bad days I'm still happy. I think the long drive home from Ponoka to Red Deer helps me. Even when I'm tired I just crank up my Happy Hardcore and sing at the top of my lungs.

Speaking of Happy Hardcore, Special Agent '00' Raver played me a set tonight at like 330am, I love that guy. Seriously, everytime I find him online late, I get a hands in the air set that would rock even grey socks the way it rocks my so cute socks. Thanks Graham. I love it. You know that longing feeling in your heart when you're pining or in love or whatever? That's the feeling of deep love I get for hardcore in all it's forms (believe it or not I miss terrorcore, gabber, speedcore and even noisecore) I've never found a love that hasn't let me down until you come to my love affair with Hardcore....*swoon*

Talked to a friend I haven't seen in a very long time tonight, we talked for about an hour. It was good to hear he was happy with everything going on for him again. I'm hoping we can hang out at my party....which is in just over a week...cuz I haven't seen him in foreverz and a day plus 1.

I finally gave in to some things, one is playing World of Warcraft the other is reading the Twilight series. I'm actually enjoying both. I have to say twilight is super teeny bobber love story but it reminds you of the butterflies with first and new love. So it makes me smile. As for WoW. it's a lot like my whole final fantasy phase so yeah, thank GSO for the hook.

i should prolly get some sleepies since I have a video game date with a certain 11 year old and his mom. :)

bligity blog

Believe it or not I'm actually tossing out a ton of stuff these days. I think I've just had enough of carrying around all this crap. NO I am not getting rid of the Coleco or the Fabric, but I am getting rid of old furniture, stuff I don't use and things that I have no idea why I still have 'em. I also came to the conclusion tonight that I can now 100% see a paralle between me and Autumn. *the author of "a promise of hope" It's taken about 5 months and a bit but I'm finally at the point where I'm taking out the trash. I've finally allowed myself to let go of the garbage that has held me down for so long. Sounds corny but it's somewhat true. I've lived with this challange my whole life and for the first time I'm happy with all aspects of my life and I don't need all this stuff. Stuff that I'll never get to, stuff that was a good (crazy but good) idea at the time, stuff that I thought would make me feel normal. I've come to understand that this is something I'll always have to face but that I can finally see that it's a gift and not a curse. Now to just get rid of all this stuff. Yay!

Today was pretty rad, cleaned out some garbage, had one of my best friends stop by my work and hang out for a bit, hung out on the couch with a cute guy and watched a zombie movie while knitting a new hat for a super cute little girl I'm gonna try and meet for the first time on my days off coming up in a few weeks. :)

My dad comes to help me fix my fence tomorrow I can't wait to see him *yayzerz* that is all.

wrapped in rainbows....

so yesterday one of my best friends sent me this video because it reminded him of me. I love this song. It reminded him of me because everytime this song would come on I would try not to cry because it totally makes me think of Abs. I rarely cry over her now. I think it's because I'm happy with myself these days and I'm super happy with having her in my life still. In honesty I have nothing to cry about it at all anymore. Everything is better then what I had imagined.

I know that it was the right thing and I know it's the best for both of us and I don't doubt that for a moment. But like most birth moms, (but not all) I can totally say without hesitation or sadness that I miss her, That I do wonder now and again what it would be like if she was here and things worked out that way. Then within 3 seconds I'm back to knowing this is the right choice, not only for her *my main concern* but for myself as well. Can't live in shoulda coulda woulda besides I know that this all happend for a reason and that I was meant to have and place her. I never thought I would love our relationship as much as I do and I never thought I would be as content with it as I am. :)

I love you with all my soul mini one. You're the rainbow in my heart that never stops shining.

also I'm starting a book club and we're reading catcher in the rye right now, so far it consists of two of us me and one which I bullied into making him buy the book to read it with me because he said it wasn't that big of a deal. So we call ourselves the

creepers

So I've been trying to set my friend up with someone on Plenty of Fish but in Ontario, it's tough work screening guys from over there to see if they are goons or goods. Some are just plain ol' not thinkers at all, I had two or three of them ask me if I wanted to go for coffee, hmmm I'm only a 5-6 hour plane ride away, ummmmm NO! I wonder if Alberta boys are just as swift? Probably smarter as long as they were born here ;)

Anyways, I'm just about ready to go finish reading my book. Nothing exciting today, but tomorrow~that's when the fun begins. Apparently people are going to be coming over. So anyone who wants to join just stop by and if you don't know my address then call me on my cell or at home after 945pm. If you don't know my number it's on Facebook, if you're not on my Facebook, you don't have my number, well chances are your not close friend and it's probably better that you don't come over, it would be awkward, "hi this is my friend um what's your name again?....oh yeah this is el blog creeper, creeper, this is my friend non creepsy" Yeah doesn't really work so well. Anyways I'll post some pics next time.