i feel like someone close to me has died

some days i feel like i'm just wasting my time, and i know it's not his fault by any means, he does his best or at least i believe he does most of the time. i really needed brent the last two days and i feel like he doesn't have time for me, he's too busy with wow or whatever he's doing to really pay attention. maybe i'm just over sensative to stuff right now i dunno. the past two days have been fucking hell. my emotions are all over the map and i just really need some reassurance and i wasn't getting any from him. i go out of my way to make his day better and i just wish he would do the same thing on the days i need it. if i don't answer his call right away he gets pissy but if he misses mine or doesn't text back right away i'm suposed to understand that and be ok. i dunno sometimes i feel like this is a one way relationship of give. but i know it's not on my better days. i got a hug from the least expected person shannon...she even offered to come see abbi with me on days i can't do it on my own and offered to take the day off for it. i mean she doesn't even really know me i couldn't believe it. i needed a hug so badly and she gave me one of the best ones i've ever had ever. maybe she's not so bad after all. i dunno. everyone deserves love. even shannon. i just wish brent could have been there for me. its hard when he's living with pam. it makes everything so much more complicated. i wish she would just move out or he would get the courage to see that life for everyone would be better if he just moved out. i keep being patient but how long do i keep waiting. it's been 2 years in september. do i wait until january? i dunno all i know is i love him so much. i love him more than i loved graham, more than i loved brenty. more thank i love anyone to be honest. and i'm willing to hang on and keep being patient until i just absolutely can't anymore. and i don't know when that is. but i think it's going to be this year. i know its more about his kids and i'm not trying to say pick between me or them, i'm just saying they'll be happier, he'll be happier, she'll be happier and so will i once they all move forward with their lives. i just wish he realized the greatest thing is what we have and it's worth moving forward to. i dunno. maybe he does maybe he doesn't. either way its up to him.