almost over

I don't know if I mention this or not but I hate March. I love that Ab's came into the world in March and so did Boot. But other then that last year this time I was going through my own personal version of hell. I was in the middle of breaking off my newly formed family and cancelling plans to move to Dubai. I lost the strongest person whom I've always looked up to and considered my hero, my gramma. Then losing a little one didn't really make it any better.Then there's 5 years ago where it was the best and hardest day ever. I have a bit of sadness over the whole day of child birth but not of her being born but remembering the pain I went through that day emotionally because I had the intent of placing the next day. Just the trauma of the birth and being the last to hold her and yadda yadda.

While I might not be going through the same hell as last year nor half as much pain, I'm still hurting through March. Lots of crazy shit went down and I'm not going to air it all out on here. But I'm getting over things and still a bit hurt by others. I'm strong so I know I'll get through this. I get through it all don't I? Heck I've lived more then one life in my 30 years (not like in a multiple personality disorder sort of way) I guess what I'm trying to say is this

I've lived more in my 30 years then most 80 year olds have. I've experienced more, seen more, and embraced more then most people my age. I've danced every chance and made more then one mistake, but never with any regrets. Why? Because I've learned so much about myself, others and whole worlds by playing out the whole scene instead of skipping to the next with no regard of how the first one ended. I give myself, my heart, my passion, my friendship with every fiber in me and never expect a return. For that I'm blessed. My family and friends are the greatest a girl could ask for. I received 9 emails/messages/texts that caused my heart to smile. Just when I was having a down day I would receive these at the right moment and make me believe in humanity again.

I know that you are a light house, you seem to draw people to you, sometimes it is the wrong people, but in time the right one will wash ashore. -DW

I feel a bit better about things and past history of stuff with that little quip from a dear dear friend. Some days I just feel sorry for myself and wish things would turn out the way I want them to, I have my moment and then move on with the hope and idea that things do get better and were meant to happen that way to get to a new level of happiness with my life. Hey it takes a while to level up on Final Fantasy and World of Warcraft I think like wow I'm just stuck on lvl 18 for a while. I'll get to the next level only to have another challenge in the worx to gain experience and level up yet again :)

I know I'm a dork. A dork who's kind hearted and giving and super duper wicked awesome rad. only one way to go and that's up cuz I'm not going down, down is not an option. Thanks for listening to me rant.

*big smooshy hugs* to all those who made this month easier.