5

I'm not sure why my heart aches so much over this today. Usually this day is full of happiness and joy and it is to an extent. I guess this year I was forced to deal with feelings that I had been keeping down for a while, and memories that I haven't really wanted to revisit. This year is full of friends having babies, I guess it makes me re evaluate everything I chose for us.

And I wouldn't change a thing.

It started about a day or so beofre this one 5 years ago, I went into labor. I remember when I got to the hospital and they put me in the tub I was determined not to get out and that I was going to have you there. The got me out (with the help of my coach, my bf and my family and two nurses) I tried sitting in a rocker, the bed everything. Nothing got you moving. I remember your birth grandparents asking grampa dan if that was me screaming down the hall. He listened for a moment and said yup that's my girl.

I remember your birthdad being so scared for us, and how I was scared too. I remember being so sad when i found out I was the last one to hold you, but as soon as you were in my arms I burst into tears of joy. They gave me some time just the two of us and you settled in my arms like the perfect blessing you are. I remember how happy everyone was to hold you and snuggle you and feed you.

You are the greatest thing to come into my life little one. I love you so much. I'm so proud of you and so blessed to have such a role in your life. You are loved and cherished by many and I can't wait to give you birthday hugs and snuggles.

Happy Birthday Abs. I love you through and through, yesterday, today and tomorrow too. <3