FUCK

I'm having a really hard time communicating today. I don't know what it is but I feel like no one is understanding what I'm saying. On top of that I'm still having a hard time with everything going on that it seems to just add to the frustration. I understand how someone can feel so alone in a world with hundreds of friends. I kind of fell like that myself at times. It's not that there isn't anyone there to talk to it's just a feeling inside, when your sick and you alienate your self from the world. I feel so lost right now. I can't even explain it. Mom just came over and helped me clean up my room but only half way, I still have no curtains up no pictures and everything is still in boxes. That's how everything is here, half done. I fucking hate it. I'd rather have a mess then have it empty with nothing there. Besides after I start looking for something everything will be back on the floor again. I can't stand this. And instead of listening and helping me finish it, she just gets confused and says she can't understand why I can't just leave it the way it is. I have people coming over on Wed and my house still is only half done. Dad keeps saying he's going to come and help and he never does. I just give up I just can't get it to work. Everyone helps out Marla get to the end result but no one helps me and it's just fucking annoying. And I just don't know how if sean couldn't do it then how can I, how can I be strong enough and have it together enough to finish this without quitting. He was so strong and I have so much less. I just feel defeated.