I am strong

"Lie down;lick the sorrow from your skin.

Scratch the terror and begin

to believe you're strong.



All you ever want to do is drink and watch TV,

and frankly that thing doesn't really interest me.

I swear I'm going to bite you hard and taste your tinny blood

if you don't stop the self-defeating lies you've been repeating

since the day you brought me home.

I know you're strong."


I had a great conversation today with two of the strongest women in my life, and both really helped me with perspective and encouragement today. I've been struggling with a few things over the last little bit. And I'm thinking it's about time to clean house, literally. I'm gonna take the next few weeks and get rid of a majority of crap and organize the rest. I've been living out of boxes for the past 2 years and it's about time I unpacked and lived in my house, and really enjoy it before I finish it up and possibly sell it.

Also I found the picture of the tattoo i want to get and it's going to be awesome. It's not what i had in mind but it's still really me. I'll post pictures once I find a good artist to do it....any suggestion on who I should go to?

Boots been helping out around the house more and I totally appreciate that. I just don't have any energy in me to do anything lately. Eat, clean, brush my teeth....don't worry I still brush my teeth and shower, it hasn't gotten that bad yet. ;) I've gotten to hang out with the GSO a lot lately and that's helped a lot too. And I'm really looking forward to going to Warped Tour with my super cute guy friend who I fall in love with every time he gets a hair cut. Actually it's been something that's kept me going lately. I just can't wait to get a hug from him and from Bosman. When they hug me I know it's going to be ok. That and when Boot calls me little one. I don't know why but it's a great comfort. I miss Dallas so very much. I miss just going over to his place whenever I need a hug, or just want to watch trashy tv and sit and eat pickles or have a good night sleep, its an oddity to me but I go for a run of sleepless nights but in the corner of his house I can sleep like a baby for days on end. I sleep and sleep and dream bliss filled dreams of beauty and fun and candy. I don't know how he does it? I contemplated the idea that he drugs me but the sleep is so restful and non drowsy that I doubt it.

I miss Edmonton deeply and have considered going back there. I miss the city life and the constant birrage of things to do there. Red Deer is great but I'm tired of it. It's home but I'm awake at the wrong hours in this town. Too much closes at 9pm. I would just miss everyone here terribly. *Sigh* I dunno all I know is what I'm doing isn't really working right now and so I have to find a different way to do it or a whole new game to play. We shall see.