I've come to a point in my life where I realize I have to love myself as much if not more than I love the people in my life.

*ranty fists blogger*

I've been trying with no good out come to post pictures from my last trip with the GSO. Maybe one day blogger photo uploader will stop haterade spamming me with "failed connection". Until then hold tight.

Happy Birthday Gorgeous

Today is a super duper guy's birthday. we've been friends forever it seems, and i'll never forget the day i met him at forbidden dimension and then again at the 28shade's gig at LTCHS. he's been a huge support of mine and always full of fun stuff. we've gone all over western canada together and have a ton of pictures and one not so PG video to show for it all. (i would say it's PG13 sorry folks its not one of those paris hilton R ones) I just wanted to thank him for all the awesome times we've had together and even though we go months without seeing each other our hug is never changing when we finally see each other again. Happy Birthday Tim you truly deserve the best life has to offer Love you lots!

this is for dellertson and Dmaster

clicky clicky for some stencil awesomeness

sliding cheese and stripey socks add some driving and gaming and you got this post

so my world of warcraft account has been expired for 10 days now. it's been a little hard but i've been keeping busy and enjoying some wow free time. thanks to a co worker i know now about www.everyvideogame.com and that's helped relieve a bit of tension....dragon age is good too but i have to say after trying for three days with dnd online i give up it makes me motion sick. not cool.

went to visit :AN who made the GSO and i dinner, gave him back his comic books and movies from when i was sick with the flu almost a year ago. it was great to see some projects he's working on and as always it was a nummy supper of vegetarian delight.then it was off to visit the GSO's mom's. she's such a neat lady i just can't say enough awesome things about her, she has the cutest house that i adore, the nicest gardens/yards in the front and back and not to mention she's incredibly talented. she gave me some pottery she's done and a plan that keeps misquitos away in it, not the greatest photo of it but it will do. she also got me these wild and super rad socks when she was on her trip, she said they reminded her of a certain kandy kid....(me) i love them, it's my two favorite colors: sparkle and purple!I definetly got spoiled on that trip. we ended the trip with a stop at harvey's and believe it or not the GSO had never eaten there before! how insane is that? we went to the one that dallas and i go to (i think we've been there three times but that's enough to call it 'ours') then back towards home. it was a gooder. i've been somewhat serfx spoiled lately. last week we hung out and had good times and i got the pleasure of hanging out with him again tonight. seems like it's been forever. i ordered a party platter for all of us to share and it came with nachos and cheese (the kind you pump out) but after 2 or three attempts of dipping into said "cheese" it wouldn't stick to a nacho or a quesadila or however you spell it. finally we got it onto a nacho but over exposure ruined it....oh well we tried. i miss our late night coffee hang outs but i definitely don't miss the food at denny's, but i do miss the nerd talks from tables around us including ours. thanks serfx you can always randomly count on me for hang time.

epic

warcraft is boring (no one is on there either) so here i am figuring i should prolly blog a bit to catch you up on everything going on. I had a really great day, went over to pick up the GSO and went for chinese food for lunch/breakfast, then made my way to pononka to meet up with Ryan to go to Starwars in Concert. I'll post some pics off my phone it was really freakin awesome. They had stuff there from the actual movie, like costumes and guns and stuff. pretty rad stuff i tell ya.even warcraft is boring (no one is on there either) so here i am figuring i should prolly blog a bit to catch you up on everything going on. I had a really great day, went over to pick up the GSO and went for chinese food for lunch/breakfast, then made my way to pononka to meet up with Ryan to go to Starwars in Concert. I'll post some pics off my phone it was really freakin awesome. They had stuff there from the actual movie, like costumes and guns and stuff. pretty rad stuff i tell ya.no on is online and its boring and my feet kinda miss other feet, silly i know but it's true.

/hug

tonight i got the hug i was needing for the past two days
from an unexpected source,
but i have to say it was one of the most sincere and heartfelt hugs
i've gotten.
and for that the world shone a little brighter today.

i feel like someone close to me has died

some days i feel like i'm just wasting my time, and i know it's not his fault by any means, he does his best or at least i believe he does most of the time. i really needed brent the last two days and i feel like he doesn't have time for me, he's too busy with wow or whatever he's doing to really pay attention. maybe i'm just over sensative to stuff right now i dunno. the past two days have been fucking hell. my emotions are all over the map and i just really need some reassurance and i wasn't getting any from him. i go out of my way to make his day better and i just wish he would do the same thing on the days i need it. if i don't answer his call right away he gets pissy but if he misses mine or doesn't text back right away i'm suposed to understand that and be ok. i dunno sometimes i feel like this is a one way relationship of give. but i know it's not on my better days. i got a hug from the least expected person shannon...she even offered to come see abbi with me on days i can't do it on my own and offered to take the day off for it. i mean she doesn't even really know me i couldn't believe it. i needed a hug so badly and she gave me one of the best ones i've ever had ever. maybe she's not so bad after all. i dunno. everyone deserves love. even shannon. i just wish brent could have been there for me. its hard when he's living with pam. it makes everything so much more complicated. i wish she would just move out or he would get the courage to see that life for everyone would be better if he just moved out. i keep being patient but how long do i keep waiting. it's been 2 years in september. do i wait until january? i dunno all i know is i love him so much. i love him more than i loved graham, more than i loved brenty. more thank i love anyone to be honest. and i'm willing to hang on and keep being patient until i just absolutely can't anymore. and i don't know when that is. but i think it's going to be this year. i know its more about his kids and i'm not trying to say pick between me or them, i'm just saying they'll be happier, he'll be happier, she'll be happier and so will i once they all move forward with their lives. i just wish he realized the greatest thing is what we have and it's worth moving forward to. i dunno. maybe he does maybe he doesn't. either way its up to him.

fast forward today please

i've been playing with some new layouts for my blog. i've talked about changing stuff before but didn't. now i have some templates to work with that i really like so who knows it may make it's way on here....change is good right?

had a crappy day today. woke up late, scrambled to get ready, slept through lunch with dellertson, dropped off coffee and candy for the gso since he was working a day shift and that always sucks(i hate the week of days he works i'll be honest but at least all the other evenings work out), went to a really nice baby shower, but i'm not a baby shower kinda person. i'm happy with just having my mini one and when i go to stuff like that everyone asks when i'm having more kids. and i hate answering that. some days there's a part of me that wants more kids...kids aren't even the issue...i just don't ever want to go through pregnancy again. it's like 98% of me never wants it and 2% of me does but it's pretty easy to quash that 2% as soon as i think back to labor....gawd that was horrible. people say you forget about it after a few years....i'm going on 6 and it's still like it was yesterday. so i guess i'll live vicariously through my siblings and friends having babies. i really don't mind that at all. i know if i was to parent i would be a great mommy. but i know it's just not in the cards to give birth again and that's ok with me. =)

so after the shower i went to work, worked with great people but it must be a full moon or something because shit went sideways all night. came home needing some love and a hug, didn't really get any. now i'm just pouting and gonna go to sleep. i just want today to be done so tomorrow can be better. i want to crawl under the covers and hide from the world. i'm sure tomorrow i'll feel better after sleeping in. i can't wait until my days off so i can see the mini one and go to bonzai and eat yummy food with a super awesome guy. oh and if you see me tomorrow give me a hug, it'll be needed i think.

sw00test job

I haven't had internets for the past few days so I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. That will be remedied after the 14th apparently. But until then I have to thank Carlos the magnificent whoever he is for letting me snitch his internets. Thanks Mr. Magnificent! you rock.

I had one of my clients say good bye the other day. I hope they do well in their new path in life. Made me almost cry with the kind words they said. Gotta love those moments. Makes it all worth while. But honestly I have the greatest job and every day of it is worth while. Even when I don't want to get out of bed I still enjoy going to work. BEST JOB EVER! Helps that I work with some of the greatest people and in the most interesting field.

Anyways my eye keeps watering and it's annoying and I should try to get up at a decent time on my day off. Night night.