Hitting the reset button once again....

HJ and I broke up months and ago.I miss him and the kids but I'm actually ok with it. I wasn't at first of course but now that the dust is settling I'm letting go and getting back to normal. I'm craving change at work. I want so badly to move to Edmonton again. There's just so much more for me there. I'd miss my family and be further from the Mini One. But that would never stop me from driving further to see her all of the time still. I find myself doing more with my friends now. I try to get out a few times a week. Like this week I went to Weird Al with BisH and Frisbee Golfing with Sarah Pickle and Dalt yesterday. Then bowling with Daphne and her man tonight.

One of the reasons I want to blog tonight is because I'm worried about someone really close to me. She found out that she has lumps and they aren't the good lady lump kinda lumps. I'm putting on a brave face for her and I know my blog freaks her out and she doesn't read it so I don't mind writing about this. I'm terrified and scared of losing someone who means the world to me in more ways than one. She's been my rock for years. And now I'm faced with the idea that I might lose the one person who keeps me continually grounded with her rockness. I don't think I'm going to tell anyone about this except for all you people who read this which I don't think anyone does any more. But at least then it's out of my head and into some form of reality.

Gotta make the most out of the little life we're given. I have to say that I've found a new strength and am moving forwards. PS. counselling really helps a lot. Don't ever be ashamed to ask for help. And no matter what I'll always be there for any of you.

first day to a better tomorrow.

updated my links today. added some pictures here too (down below)

Ended up going home early from work yesterday, I was a mess, just really weepy and tired and I haven't slept that much lately, just been really down. So I came home and had a good solid 5hr nap then made some plans with some friends and had lunch with another. Decided to venture my way to the big city.

Last night I saw some friends that I really enjoyed seeing again, It's been forever (over a year) for some and an eternity (over 2 years) for others. It was Collin's 30th so I made the trek up north to Edmonton to go see him on his big first last and only 30th birthday party. We went to the giant Stanly cup and we ate at the olive garden then went and met up with some friends on Whyte to have coffee and exchange numbers and get hugs and catch up on how tired we all are. lol.

Then we went looking for Level 2 which I found by screaming as we turned into a gas station to turn around and go the other way. We totally would have missed it if we had turned and I wasn't paying attention. (yep yep yep I was paying attention). Saw a bunch of friends there and for the first time in way way way too long I broke out the dancing shoes and danced to phat dirty base lines of awesomeness. One of the guys I was with just stood there smiling and was like "wow I haven't seen you smile that big EVER, when you dance you get the biggest smile and you look like your loving every moment" He's right I love to dance to that kinda music, I miss it so much. As I was dancing I got a few props from a few of the breaker boys on my moves which I love. My friends who've never seen me at a rave have never experienced how I am when I get around music like that. I don't need drugs I don't need booze, but you show me a beat and I'll show you my soul, I'm in my groove and in my space. I love it, I look as high as a kid on E but I'm sober as sober can be. Music does that to me, it's better then any drug I've ever tried. :) It carries all my troubles away and strips me down to the beat and my soul, and my feet and the floor. I don't care what people think I don't care what I look like I just let my feet show me the way. I twirl and kick and just soak in every moment of it. As some say I painted the town rainbow last night leaving a trail of sparkles.

Having a decent day today, just waiting for Regan to call, gave myself a pedicure thanks to the little bag of sole saver mini pedicure kit Janice gave me yesterday. She's the greatest. I don't know what I'd do without her. So Today should be awesome. Hopefully I'll get to sneak a hug from a super cute boy today too when he gets back. I miss him.

Anyways here are some snaps:

A memory for Agent'00Raver

Just as the rest of the world is slowly waking up to the gorgeous winter sunrise, we pull our bodies into the cold car, but we aren't cold at all. We just came out of our winter wonderland playground where we experienced a magical night of wonder and happiness.

We dig out the powerades one red one blue that we stashed in the car to chill over night for this particular moment in time. Graham starts the car for our journey home.

He puts in the cd I made him at an earlier time and plays time after time. We smile and wave at passers by and just before we reach the highlevel bridge we all are singing along with cyndi laupers classic remixed of course, we unroll the windows just in time to start across the bridge to hear the swooshing noises only this particular bridge can produce. :) Almost home we roll up the windows and think back to the wonders and magic of the night we just experienced. Thanks for the brilliant times my dear.

So this isn't my favoritest version of this song but since this is a memory of a crime spree by the original party partners in crime and one of my favorite Dj's from one of the first parties I ever went to in 1995 or 1996? (yup I'm gettin old) I figured it was the most suitable for this post. It was a time before kids, wives and husbands, mortgages and careers. Thanks for the great memories my dear.

-Agent'EE

link to the future

so I was going to post a bunch of videos up but then I decided instead to let you into my not so little video collection I've accumulated on youtube. so just click on ------> videos are awesome
and off you to go my video haven. There's funny videos and tons of music videos too. Yay for techno nology :D don't worry not all of it is happy hardcore and punk rock. There's lots of other stuff there too.

I'm kinda excited cuz I get to see lots of people I haven't seen in a long time. I'm gonna see Boot tomorrow hopefully and the boy who makes my pillow smell nyce *ok so he isn't someone I haven't seen in a long time but i'm happy* and saturday it's Collin's first last and only 30th birthday...wow is that old or what ;) I haven't seen Collin since my glow bowl bday party over a year ago. I was so happy to see everyone. I can't wait to see them all this weekend. Yay! I'm just going for the party then coming home so I won't get to see everyone but I'm still really really excited to see who I can see!

Also I'm super pumped because a certain boy bought me a certain ticket to a certain band Thankyou Dallas for picking up tickets to Face to Face!!! I can't wait to go! Also when I was looking at adding face to face videos onto youtube I came across this face II face-I want
not exactly this

Anyways I found a bunch of awesome DK and SNFU on youtube as well as some good ol' deana carter *mine and shane's dancing songs* and stuff yay for stuff. Well that's about all I gots night night.