pickatures

i'm working on a big picture post so stay tuned. two someones have been inspiring me to photograph stuff again, makes me wanna pull my camera out more, maybe next year i'll get a decent one that i enjoy using, or maybe i'll borrow someones, and shoot what i really want the way i want.

i'm tanking i'm tanking!

so i wanted to post a website of another fellow blogger. he's huge into photography and is going to be the next great name i swear. anyways so you can say that you "followed" him in the early days here's his website. i'm kinda sorta proud to say i know this guy... he's pretty rad.

so i've been hiding out a bit, i know most of you know this, i'll try to keep updating though, since this is such a huge outlet for me. went to abs 6th bday party, she's so amazing. i'm so proud of her, we had such a great evening together. <3

the GSO stayed the weekend and we played WoW, painted my bathroom, tried on sport bikes (still want a gsxr600)went to dellertson's for his bday, where we watched hurtlocker (i gave him seamonkey's just to prove they are around) and cooked
i totally appreciated all his help this weekend. even if it was feeding into my addictions/"escapes". (video games and going fast on two wheels). we played our lowbie toons in wow and for the first time ever I tanked. (this is a good thing) thanks to the GSO i think i'm catching on to it and as stressful as it is, it's kinda fun. so between that and the bathroom it was a pretty good time.

i'm so excited that my upstairs is gonna be finished this year!!!! so friggin close, then i can get a new bathroom downstairs and possibly a sewing lab/room! and new laundry room too! slowly my house IS thank gosh for friends and my family and the boys. anyways that's about all i gotz i'll try to keep up with blogs <3

tell me something nice....

sometimes you just need to hear the words,
actions are great, grand, wonderful and i totally accept them as a sign of affection
but sometimes you just need to hear it while you see and feel it.

i'm lucky in that when i text this i usually get something back and that single sentence always picks me up when i'm down. funny how that happens.

so yesterday marks 2 years since the most incredible lady in my life left. she was my best friend, the one i always called first, the only adult i ever listened to or took advice

the greatest woman in the whole world

i can't believe it's been this long since you left. you were always the first person i called with good news, the first person i cried to with bad news, you helped me through school, broken hearts, break ups with best friends, getting ready for graduation, you were on my wedding dress tucked in the ribbon as an angel charm. you let me stay up late when i was little and we shared secrets and watched the dating game. you always listened no matter what, and always gave me your opinion even when you didn't want to and i persisted.

my favorite story was hearing about the one and only time you ever spanked me because i wouldn't get dressed to meet my new baby sister and ran around tearing any shred of clothing you could put on me. but i loved hearing all the rest of them.

you were the only adult i ever really listened to and respected for a certain point in my life. you were my biggest support throughout and after my adoption stuff with the mini one, she loved you so much while we had her. you always made her giggle and smile. i'm so grateful you got to know her. i tell her about you all the time. you believed in me. i know you're never far from me even to this day. i still accidentally call your number from inside your house when something great happens and then realize i'm sitting in your house (which is now my house for those of you who didn't know) and you don't have that number, and i can't call you at moms.

when you left, i lost my bestest friend, my gramma, my mom (you were like a mom to me) my rock and my everything. i miss you so much gramma and i hope no matter where you are you know how much you are loved and missed by all of us.

need to shift my thinking into another gear

I'm the type of girl that can be so hurt but can still look at you and smile; the type of girl who is willing to brighten your day even if I can't brighten my own.

lately i've had trouble even smiling.

i can't stop crying
i feel so hurt
the one person i want to be there for me can't be
i need to come to terms with certain obvious truths
and i just don't even want to
but i will.
i give so much to everyone else i forget to keep some for me.
i need some balance again.

i think i need to start focusing on me more,
and make myself happy again because i'm not sure
what's going on in my head but i've just been so
sad and hurt lately.
no matter how hard i work at getting out of this funk i just keep slipping back.
even work is noticing.
something has got to change.
it could be a few things that have this effect

could be lack of sleep from my work schedule,
could be the accutane
could be relationships
could be the month since its always been a tough one.

i just have to get through this cuz as with everything
this too shall pass.

i just really need to remove myself, even if just for 2 days, out of my life.
i need a weekend away.

so the mini one is now 6. ..... 6!!! i can't believe she's 6! in 4 years she'll be 10!

projects

so i went out for coffee the other day with a friend and we got to talking about sea monkey's and i mentioned i had a bunch, he was interested and i told him they had them at toys r us. so we head over there, and guess what....NO MORE SEAMONKEYS, or trilopods, frog houses or ant farms! what a sad state of afairs. he thinks i told him that just so he'd take me to toys r us, but i don't care what he thinks, i was for really realsies no pretendsies. i'm still in shock and disbelief that the canadian toys r us's are no longer carrying these childhood memories. *sigh* i'll have to hunt some down for him or make him a tank from one i already own or maybe out of a light bulb....*double sigh*

the gso came over the other night and helped me get a ton of stuff done around my house, like sanding my bathroom, moving my wireless upstairs, fixing my toilet, and fixing my wipers on my car, then we got drunk and played wow. it was a good night. so now i just have to paint and lay the lino down and i'm done. yay! then on to the kitchen.

I'm sure i'll add to this as time goes on and cross some stuff off...

this is my list, when this list is going to get done who the heck knows but i figured if i put it up for all to see then maybe i'd be more inclined to get some of it done....

complete upgrading to go into psych nursing
paint the kitchen and bathroom
lay linoleum in both kitchen and bathroom
clean out the last of the clutter in the basement
plan out a floor plan for the basement
buy a bike (gsxr)
sew more often and start selling my bags again
paint more often
go on a holiday to somewhere hot
go to Kelowna and Vancouver
go to the enchanted Forrest
DISNEYLAND!
Buy a new couch, fridge, washer/dryer, and tv
start running and biking this summer
repair my current three bikes and get rid of two of them
fix and sell my car
move back to edmonton (not for another 2 years)
enjoy where i live while i live there
see abs once a month
join a gym
plan for africa
get down to 120
grow my hair long again
fix the deck and fence
fix the toilet, install a bathroom down stairs
rent a room in my house

on the way home

so i found an old cd that my party partner in crime SA'00'r made me a long time ago back in the day and it ended with this track.

this song is so special to me because so many times this was picked by others to be my song, (mostly the original not the happy hardcore version) and it's always made me smile with tears that people picked it. still makes me smile to this day.

but the thing that hits my heart the most is it's so true. you can have the whole world caving in on you but you have that one person you love so much reach out to you and smile, you know you can make it. and that's why my purpose is to warm the world with my sincere and contagious smile. (odd cuz the poptart and i were just talking about my purpose yesterday). so smile often.