I'm so tired today, prolly more like hung over ugh. I haven't had a hang over in a very long time. I got a bit of one the first date I went on with my sweetie pie but I think that's more from when I hit my head then the vodka.

cuz I'm a sappy suck

so i guess this is super sappy and sucky and almost in the *vomit* category but it's kinda true. I wear my heart on my sleeve and go into everything whole hearted. Yup I understand 100% that I set myself up for heart ach and pain and hurt but I'd rather feel the pain and know that I'm alive then be numb and go through life wishing I had gotten more out of it.

I think life is what you put into it. I put a lot into my life, I'm not always perfect, actually I am usually quite the opposite. I make a ton of mistakes and learn from them, and find some new ones to make, although they usually end up in some kind of adventure and life lesson.

Sometimes I cry and wish that life was easier but then I know I wouldn't be the odd little duck I am today if it was. I don't think I'll ever change my habit of going into things head and heart first. Even if those who help me pick up the pieces after wish otherwise.

Entity - Stargazer (ft. Amy)

had some people looking for this back in January from a post I posted with the lyrics in October all of 2008 but I love this track! It's so pretty. I first heard it off of Impish's Naan Bread Ninja mix which I listen to in my car almost every day I go to work, along with a lil CLSM and Baby D. I love piano break beats. If you wanna hear more Impish check out his website at http://www.megadj.co.uk/ he's the bees knees and the king of cheese!

yup yup

Today was a great day, talked to my sweetie on the phone, I'm pumped for our lil mini adventure coming up. I had a great day at work today. I work on concurrent disorders unit which means my clients have a mental illness along with an addiction, one of my roles is to talk to them and help them get the most out of the program. One of my clients is leaving/discharging/graduating the program while I'm on "holidays" before he departed to bed he came up to tell me if it wasn't for me pushing the questions then he wouldn't have gotten as much out of this program, that I made a difference in his progress and he looks forward to seeing me in society all clean and sober and that it was a pleasure working with me on his road to sobriety.

I just about cried. I know I do a good job, it means so much to hear nurses tell me I do a great job but it means even more when my clients appreciate the care I give. I love my job so much and I get so much from it. I finally found my niche. I never thought in a million years I would find my dream job yet here it is. I not only enjoy my line of work, but I give back so much to the community and I actually make a decent wage that I can support myself with. When I wake up I almost always am excited to come to work and look forward to meeting new people and being inspired and inspiring others. Cheezy but it's true. I really do love my job.

what my dreams are like in my head

Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) from Jon Rawlinson on Vimeo. thanks ernbot

Love is super hurty

had a day off the other day and got to spend time with some of the most influential people in my life. One of them is going through a super hurty break up and we were talking about songs that remind us of past experiences and this is his of his ex gf. It made me cry to think he's in this much pain. I think now I know how he felt watching me suffer through some of my pain. It's so hard to watch people you love so much go through heart break, or wrinkles. Seems a lot of my friends are going through things right now. I wish there was more I could do but I guess hugs and reminding them I love them is the best I can do. You deserve a girl who treats you right and doesn't piss you off 1/2 way to Minnesota and who respects you. You're one of the greatest people in my life sweetie I really mean that and YES i do have a list of best friends but you're pretty close to the top of that list. Hope your heart feels better soon.

Ultimate Devotion

One o one point one Fahrenheit
To some it's a fever, to her it's just right
And I can't hold her, and it's bringin' me down
Her blood runs hot but her heart beats cold
she's a devil with an angel's face I've been told
I think I'll push my luck next time you're around

Well I'd walk through fire for you
I'd burn in hell to make it all true
But I never loved anyone else in this world but you
A thousand reasons why I try to prove to you
I'm not the other guy
I don't give a damn what other people think

A flare for the strange and a temper like a whip
A soft hand clutches a riding crop grip
Smell of latex rubber it drives me insane
Beat him once then send him on his way
There's no room in your life for anyone to stay
Engrave your moniker in welts of pain

There's nothing I wouldn't do to prove
To make these words I promised true
I'd rather live my life alone than without you
You know I'd rather die then to fuck this up
Wouldn't get another try
Got one chance there's nothing I wouldn't do

You be my master, I'll be your servant
On my knees I beg to be abused
You can take the skin right off my back
With a riding crop or a leather strap
I'd take it all just to be with you

Well I'd walk through fire for you
I'd burn in hell to make it all true
But I never loved anyone else in this world but you
You know I'd rather die then to fuck this up
Wouldn't get another try
You're my goddess and I worship you.

on a day off it was nice out.

Also I got to hang out with some of the old socalledproduction crew and that was awesome. Michel came home for a visit and we went to a pizza place on Jasper it was amazing to see everyone again.


Got to watch the tactical team take down a guy on my way to visit my friend who just recently became a cop. They had huge guns and it was kinda scary but their detour made it easier to find my friends house so that was cool.

Checked out Brenty's renos of his place in Leduc. It looks really good he did a good job. I'm so happy for him. His mom even put in a nice little garden for him and there is even a birds nest settled in the front of his house, it's so cute.

<3

its so simple but it fills my heart so full....I wonder if he knows that?

vroom vroom vroom

went to the doctors and sat in a waiting room for a total of 6 hours and 3 different waiting rooms. got some meds, then needed to fill them. some smarty pants suggested costco so i had to find a victim to come with cuz i hate going there alone. finally i gave up and went to go to bed when Kam (my initials are his name) pops up and needed to go to costco.....so off to costco we go, i got to meet his son and his dog and then we went for a super duper fast ride on his sport bike. so now all that waiting paid off. :) Im so giddy. I heart bikes. I wish i would have gotten one this year but that just means next year will be all the sweeter.

The C word is coming out in full force on this post...

So I'm actually committing to a few things..... I KNOW! Me using the C word. To be fair I commit my self to a lot of things, my daughter, my job, and always to who ever I'm dating. I hate huge commitments like living arrangements, marriage, permanent positions at work.
But I have decided to commit myself to furthering my education and start my process to become an RPN Registered Psychiatric Nurse. I have about 5-6 years to complete this little project then I can double my salary and give needles :) woohoo....I figure I love my job so much that it's going to be worth it.Other commitments? I'm committing myself to going to Africa. So much so that I'm going to take a course at the college for doing eye exams so that I can preform some over yonder as well as assist in eye surgeries. hoooray i finally figured out what I want to be when i grow up......like I'm ever going to grow up but still it's a start.

And as always I'm committed to my sweetie pie. He's pretty rad and I'm pretty happy and it's pretty awesome. YAY. We've got some days off together which is unusual for me with anyone. But I'm excited to spend some qt with him. I need a break from work anyways.
Spent the day with my mini one, she's getting so smart and big and beautiful. I just love her to bits. I'll post a few pics when I get home as I'm working a night shift tonight. She was going on about how green light sabers are for the good guys in starwars and how she would never use a green one, only red cuz she would be a bad guy because they have better moves and are more interesting.....hmmmmm not sure what to say about that one ;) other then she's kinda rad I think.
DDO is coming out soon. My friend in NZ is bugging me to sign up and play...I think I just might have to since it's looking as awesome as WOW except it has one upped the WoW idea by making it FREE!!!! So that's gonna take up some time for me. Not too much but a little. I wonder how it's going to effect the whole online community....I'm excited to check it out. My friend's playing the beta and seems to really enjoy it. I'll have to ask SottyB4hotty about it because he is after all the DD expert.

i heart final fantasy

I got the letter from my friend who passed away a few weeks ago. I'm glad I waited to read it. I'm not going to say everything it said on here but it comforted me to know that I didn't do anything wrong, it was going to happen even if I had called or had not called, and that I had made a difference in their life regardless of the actions that had proceeded. It also read that I am the only one who would understand the stance they took just before and that's where I think they are wrong. A lot of us undertood.

Friday I'm going to the Warehouse for GuySmiley night. I'm hoping too tired can come but I'm thinking with all the stress in her life right now this is an event I'm flying solo to. I can't believe still it's been a year. I'm trying to be brave but its hard. We had the deepest conversations and the silliest. It's hard to find friends that were as sincere as he was. The world became a bit more dim when he passed. But hopefully a visit with the mini one will give me enough strength to make it through :) she usually does that for me more then she knows.

Also thanks Captain Picnic for the untangling of string for me. I totally appreciated that today. My mom took me out for dinner too and that was super awesome. Went for coffee with a new friend and got lost in time with them, I love when that happens as long as I'm not late for work. I picked up a new book thanks for the suggestion Dal. So on that note i'm gonna go read my new book....

I blame scottyB4hotty

so i'm always looking for things to look up and was busy looking up stuff on the Unicorn Killer when wikipedia links psionics which then links you to Cthulhu.....so for the past 2 hours I've been reading up on one of the greatest characters possibly invented. scottyB4hotty first turned me on to this great beast almost exactly a year ago. I think somewhere on this blog is a cartoon of hello kitty with the great Cthulhu. I love it.

cute guys, hot cars and paint

One thing I love about working night shift is that I can reseach my little heart out on just about everything I don't have time for during the day or that I get distracted from with msn and facebook, seeings how they are blocked at work, I can actually focus on what I'm looking up. I found some great VW forums to help me solve my Golf problems...I didn't bother looking up aveo ones because I don't want to touch that dirty car with my hands. Where as my VW I love to bits and enjoy working on it always. It has a bit of an antifreeze leak and it doesn't like to start in the morning or after it rains, which leads me to believe it has something to do with the vaccum or ignition switch. I'm gonna get my long time pal Gory to run it through the computer and see what codes it throws out at me. The check engine light isn't on anymore but it still doesn't like to start or idle for long. So on line they say pretty much the same thing. If you need a good site here's the one I've been going to vwvortex I've found it to be the most useful so far.

Watched Pineapple express tonight with a super cute guy. He pretty much made me watch it after I told him that I hadn't talked to anyone who enjoyed it and holy crap was it funny. I'm so grateful he got me to watch it. Best part is when franco's character tried to kick out the window in the cop car and got his foot stuck. hehehehe thanks for making me watch it! We also rented definace but we'll watch that tomorrow. I had to go and he was super duper tired....

The other thing I enjoy about night shift is painting. I get to paint a lot while i'm here and I enjoy that imensly. The only thing I miss is talking to my friends. But I just keep thinking that as long as I'm getting ahead for this year, I'll be able to take a break next year and hang out with friends more. Just need to build the nest egg up and get ready to sell my house in 3years. =)

but who's counting right ;)